The Other Scottish Storyteller

Forgotten passwords AGAIN!

2011-05-05T23:16:00.001+01:00

Blogger drives me MENTAL - why can't it keep the same password I had with Yahoo???

Well, back now

Farewell to the Mighty Ark

2011-01-23T23:48:00.002Z

The Birthplace of Sherlock Holmes

2011-01-05T23:32:00.001Z

In 1886, a bored GP in Southsea who was a fan of Edgar Allen Poe, decided he could create a better detective character than the bumbling cop created by his hero. With nothing better to do, since this seaside suburb of Portsmouth was over-subscribed with doctors, Dr Doyle started scribbling in his notebook. He thought about his favourite tutor at Edinburgh University Medical School - Dr Joseph Bell, an eminent surgeon from a long line of famous medics; Doyle had been Bell's clerk, mainly to earn a bit of extra cash, but had learned so much from this amazing man who could tell so much about a patient's condition, lifestyle and recent whereabouts, the students thought he was a magician. But Dr Bell warned them "You see but you don't observe!" By careful observation and an imagination borne from a vast knowledge of the world and its doings, 'Old Joe' taught his would-be doctors to apply empirical, scientific methods to diagnosis.

Sidney Paget's version of
Sherlock Holmes

Ah-ha, thought Dr Doyle, I bet, if old Joe Bell had been a detective, he would have applied his scientific methods to solving crimes just as effectively as he did diagnosing patients in his surgery! And thus, the world's first 'consulting detective' was born. But what to call this man? Something exotic, something out of the ordinary... give him a friend, a doctor, who could be a foil for his adventures, and ask the obvious questions that the reader would be thinking... Doyle's friend James Watson, another GP, was also a member of the local Scientific and Literary Society; he had intrigued the group with his wonderful lecture about China; he had been well-travelled himself, perhaps he would be an ideal model for the detective's friend? So Dr John Watson was created. But it was Sherrinford Holmes to begin with in the first draft of what would become the first novel A Study in Scarlet. It didn't ring right somehow; Dr Doyle thought back to his school days at the harsh Jesuit institution in Lancashire, he remembered a boy with the surname Sherlock. That sounded good! Perhaps it reminded him of Shylock the Jew in the Bard's Merchant of Venice? Many folk would claim they knew where he'd got his inspiration, but Sherlock Holmes, bohemian, obsessive, untidy, drug addict, had the mind of a steel trap - he knew everything about Watson the minute the doctor's student friend, young Stamford, introduced them.

from 'The Man with the Twisted Lip'
illustrated by Sidney Paget

The address wasn't 221b Baker Street, it was 1 Bush Villas, Elm Grove. Doyle had never been in London that he could remember, despite his maternal uncle, Michael Foley taking him on artistic jaunts to the theatre and galleries; no the street that the detective lived in, though set in London was actually the author's home in Southsea. The tiny surgery was sandwiched between a hotel and a tall-spired Baptist Church... less than a hundred years later, the Luftwaffe's bombs would have decimated them all, and Sherlock Holmes and John Watson were firmly associated with the Capital. But the truth was there in the stories, Watson extoled the virtues of the south coast, the Downs, the New Forest, Winchester, as he recounted the doings of his detective friend, and Arthur Conan Doyle realised he'd created a "monstrous growth" from a "small acorn" (the author's own words).

But the world's most famous amateur detective was born in Southsea, Hampshire... all the clues are there!

Sherlock Holmes - illustration by Frank Wiles

It's the way ye tell 'em

2011-01-02T19:34:00.000Z

Regional accents - and the interpretation thereof...

This has been prompted by the BBC's new cop show, Zen, which is a dramatisation of Michael Dibin's detective stories featuring his character Aurelio Zen, a Venetian police inspector who has a few problems keeping his mouth shut when it would be politically expedient to do so! When we meet him in episode one, he is divorced, living at home with his mum, and trying to give up smoking. However, the writer and creator of the new series decided that actor Rufus Sewell - better known for playing villains - could speak in his own accent, which is vaguely south west London, Twickenham to be precise. I suppose it was the equivalent of Shakespeare writing The Merchant of Venice and the minor characters all talking Cockney. I've seen Macbeth where the Porter speaks broad Torry when it's been on show in HMT, which again makes sense as that's how it would have been expected to be played.

The lucious Rufus Sewell as Venetian cop, Aurelio Zen

Another example is the film version of my favourite novel, Day of the Jackal, in the book, the Jackal speaks perfect French and lots of French text is used, however in the film, the only character to talk in the accent suited to his character was Lebel, the Parisian detective (played by French actor, Michel Lonsdale) who finally gets the better of the assassin. The gunsmith, who was meant to be Italian, is English, so is Lebel's deputy, a very effette-looking Derek Jacobi, and even the character who is supposed to be Welsh, one of the Westminister government officials, is a Yorkshireman! Talk about mixed up! But it works if you've never read the book! But, Zen is meant to be Italian, does it work that he talks like he's from Houndslow Heath? Granted, Sewell's brooding amber eyes and weathered skin tone certainly give him the Romantic look, but I just don't know, I remain to be convinced.

Edward Fox as the Jackal and several other famous English actors as members of the OAS

Michel Lonsdale as Commissionaire Lebel

Edward Fox again - and English actor Cyril Cusack as the Italian gunsmith, Gozzi

Looks like it will be a good story though!

Darkly dreaming in Italian - Zen and love interest

Happy New Year

2011-01-01T14:21:00.001Z

Long time no blog. I intend to remedy that this year, after an annus horriblis (and then some), I am now happily installed in Portsmouth as the new Conan Doyle Projects Officer. Great town, great job. So expect plenty Sherlock-related posts!

Image Copyright - Conan Doyle Collection (Richard Lancelyn Green Bequest - PCC)

Candles for the Goose

2010-09-23T23:23:00.008+01:00

For tonight in Hell, they are tolling the bell
For the Whore that lay at The Tabard
And well we know how the carrion crow
Doth feast in our Cross Bones Graveyard.

Text from 'Southwark Mysteries' by John Constable (Oberon Books, London, UK, 2000)

Imagine... an old graveyard, hidden in the midst of London's arty South Bank, marked only by red iron gates, forgotten like its tenants, this is Crossbones...

What follows is my personal take on the Crossbones story, very different to that experienced by John Crow, author of the Southwark Mysteries - and therefore, merely inspired by that work.

picture copyright to maxkolletive - see Flickr for original

The poor souls buried in the unconsecrated burial ground on Redcross Way, Southwark were 'single women', i.e. prostitutes, whores, professional ladies, women of the night, street walkers... not fit to lie in hallowed ground with the protection of the Mass said over their dead bodies, oh no, but the very Bishop of Winchester himself profitted from the Hoors of Redcross! Having built his palace on the South Bank of the Thames outside the jurisdiction of the City of London, His Grace saw a right little money-spinner, his Pharisaical mind ignoring the fact that it was the pagans of Babylon who licenced prostitutes in the temples to Baal, Astarte, Isis, which were surely the ways of Sodom and Gomorrah, those ill-fated cities of the Levant. But no, His Grace wanted his thirty pieces of silver for betraying their souls to the Earl of Hell, rather than preaching redemption and repentance to these poor women. Children were born, they died, either in the womb or soon after, so many tiny skeletons, some whose soul was snatched into an uncertain eternity before any kindly person could say a blessing or making the sign of the cross above their heads. The menfolk of London didn't really care for them - it was pleasure on demand; young lads from the higher reaches of society were sent off with money from their fathers to seek out the Winchester Geese - for a son who could not perform his duty with the right bride might be like those very inhabitants of Sodom, and therefore cursed and shameful! Get practice, those girls will show you how, make a man of you, my lad! And so, when some got rough, indulged their violent perversions, some of the Geese paid the price.

And yet, the Holy One of Israel sought the company of whores and tax collectors in His own land - would He, if indeed His Holy feet did step on our shores in days of yore, surely have gone to Redcross Way, and seen all those wooden crosses - the markers of the dead for whom none care - and wept for them? Yes, He would have seen them, the Geese, flapping white aprons to show their patronage, or not-so-pure white breasts tempting all who were not perfect like Him. He saw women, souls, His Father's lost tribes; He knew them all, all their sad sordid secrets, and yet had a heart of Holy Love for them.

And did the Goose herself, who came through the Portal at Crossbones to tell Old Man Crow of her existence, did She, goddess of all that was not holy, sometime feel a glance that saw the human, not the whore?

John Crow - the Hoors' Prophet and Shaman
photo copyright to again to maxkollective

Licence or Liberty, who can say, but some power allowed her in, to draw the snow-haired shaman to the Red Gates, and poured out her words of rage, anger, passion, at those who used her, but charity for her sisters, her children yet unborn, living now and in the time to come.

Old Man Crow and a friend
photo copyright to maxkollective again

John Crow let the words flow - straight from her painted lips out through his pen, he could hardly keep up, as her old, knowing, but still feminine tones seduced his will. 'You will speak for us, sweet Crow, and tell them we are here - we are the unwanted dead!' So he did, so he does, and now we know too, and light a candle on this night, when the sun lights the half either side of the earth, turning on the autumn equinox, looking for the coming of the Old Hag, who despises the lightsome antics of the Goose and her sisters. 'Help us keep the Cailleach at bay for a few months, more, my John Crow, and tell everyone we will not be forgotten no more!'

And we will not - no more forgetting. Lust and Longing might have been all they knew, and again, perhaps they were wiser than all those fools they drew between their skirts, but the Winchester Geese fly again, from spirit world to here and now, let us remember the outcast dead of Crossbones...

An inspired piece of prose after a loooonnng absence from the Blogosphere! This is inspired by the TRUE story of Crossbones Graveyard. You can read the full and truthful account of it here - but please, SIGN the petition to stop Transport for London ripping up the poor remains of these long dead, and support the creation of a permanent memorial to the Outcast Dead of Redcross Way. I have to admit to getting a bit confrontational about this - it's just me! The Friends of Crossbones are a kindly, wise bunch who are in dialogue with TfL about the situation, the latter sounding a more reasonable organisation than a certain business empire here in Aberdeen!!!

Aberdeen City Council are also guilty of building on a graveyard - the Quakers, or Society of Friends were severely persecuted for their non-conformist beliefs, and evicted from their meeting hall in the city's Gallowgate. The council then authorised the building of houses on top of the Quakers' cemetery! The Friends do not believe in permanent memorials on earth, perhaps perferring to look forward to when they will meet their loved ones in Paradise, but to the Protestant citizens of the Granite City in that day, it was an outrage. Such hypocrisy from a city who had been staunch Jacobite supporters, but then Covenanters, but then again supporting the wicked Earl of Mar who defeated Donald, Lord of the Isles at the Battle of Harlaw in 1411, if London's bad, then gee whizz, our middle classes and ruling burgesses can NEVER EVER make up their mind! Anyway, it would appear that the Friends of Crossbones are getting good hearing from the transport group, and I would hope, the present Lord Mayor. Boris isn't a bad old stick, surely he has the sense not to let perhaps economically-concerned developers prevail over the last resting place of a poor minority in this day of diversity and tolerance.

It remains to be seen!

For now - on the full moon and the equinox, the candles burn in remembrance of the outcast dead, may they rest in some kind of peace.

Beannachd Leibh, Mnathan anns an t-ionad-adhlacaidh

with apologies to John Crow for my wild and wily use of what is an amazing story from the realm of the spirit past, I hope he will forgive me as a fellow artist. :)

podders

2010-09-07T13:01:00.001+01:00

testing a new podcast player...

see if this works!

Soldier at Large

2010-07-10T22:14:00.007+01:00

For the last few weeks and til the end of July I have had a visitor. (Oh yeah, and I got my PhD on the 8th of July)

A soldier... a soldier Bear that is!

Everybody, say 'Yesssir' to Colour Sergeant 'Sandy' Burra, a fundraising teddy bear who works with Sgt. Slingsby and the rest of the fundraising ursine team, the representatives of Holidays for Heroes. This is a fantastic charity I came across online through my acquaintance with Wendy Inkster, the owner of Burra Bears, a teddy-bear making craft company in Burra, Shetland. Wendy had donated one of her bespoke teddies who are made from recycled Fair Isle sweaters. These bears come to life as Wendy gives them a name and a location - I'll tell you about my own newly-adopted Burra Bear later - so, Sandy Burra joined up!

He and his teammates are available to visit people so they can promote the charity - be it ever so discretely - according to their boss, the 'BMG' (Bear Minder General), the sight of an adult carrying a teddy bear around especially one dressed up in military uniform is going to prompt questions! These brave bears have gone skydiving, on military manoeuvers, visited exhibitions like 'TankFest', climbed mountains and had all sorts of adventures while inspiring people to donate to Holidays for Heroes.

So what does this services charity do? Very simple - it provides funded holidays for injured servicemen and their families, support for widows, and generally cheering up our military boys and girls with some much-needed R&R.

You can read all about it on their website.

So who's in the dream team? (all text from the Sgt. Slingsby Web Site)

Sgt. Slingsby: Sgt Slingsby is our Founder Bear, and was first launched on an unsuspecting world in 2003. He's a limited edition bear from Clinton Cards, and as they have all been sold he is thus irreplaceable! He originally wore a maroon beret with the badge of the Glider Pilot Regiment - genuine items that jumped into Arnhem in 1944 - but they were sadly lost. He now wears the blue beret of the Army Air Corps, and is badged as a sergeant pilot. His Parachutist wings remind us of the Parachute Regiment that jumped into Arnhem, and the fact that the Army Air Corps originally comprised both the Glider Pilot Regiment and the Parachute Regiment.

C/Sgt. Burra: Colour Sergeant 'Sandy' Burra was recruited into the team in September 2008 and is a 'Burra Bear' from the Shetland Islands. He is handmade using recycled material from Fair Isle sweaters. Wendy Inkster from 'Burra Bears' was keen to help out with the appeal, and offered to donate a bear ... and Burra was created using colours that would best give the appearance of desert camouflage. He wears an Explosive Ordnance Disposal [EOD] badge at the request of one of our colleagues who lost a leg during mine-clearance operations, and owns assorted McUniforms including a very smart Black Watch outfit with kilt and sporran. Burra is a tough bear and fit to deploy to any location no matter how hostile the environment. He has a liking for malt whiskies and shortbread.

Alongside Slingsby and Burra there are:

Corporal Horsa: Cpl Horsa originates from Build-a-Bear in Chester, and is badged as an Army Air Corps aircrewman [door gunner]. He also wears parachute wings.

Warrant Officer 2 Hamilcar: WO2 Hamilcar is the largest of the Bears, and has tended to be restricted to UK missions for the convenience of the Bearer. However, the demand for Bears has forced him out of his "comfort zone" and overseas deployments are planned for 2009. He's also badged as an AAC aircrewman, but generally prefers to sit behind a desk getting the corporals to do the hard work and bring him tea and biscuits at regular intervals. He blames that on his damaged left leg.

Sgt. Hotspur: Sgt Hotspur originates from Build-a-Bear in Chester, and is badged as an Army Air Corps aircrewman. He also wears Dutch parachute wings, earned during a week-long "Parachuting Course" in The Netherlands, and now wears the maroon beret of The Parachute Regiment.

Master Corporal Amy Soldier: MCpl Amy Soldier is an overseas recruit from Canada, where she was created by Mr Fred Herman, a 33-year veteran of the Canadian Forces. We have decided she should commemorate the inspirational MCpl Paul Franklin, CF, whose story can be linked from our News area ["Overseas Recruit"]. She is accordingly badged as a Medic, and wears the distinctive Canadian Cadpat camouflage.

Sgt. Helier Braille: Sgt Helier Braille was a surprise addition to the Team in Jan 09, and was donated by "Mr Pin", who produced the Sgt Slingsby pins. Sgt Braille is a member of The Jersey Field Squadron (M) Royal Engineers (The Royal Militia of the Island of Jersey) (Formed in 1337, and thus the oldest Unit in the British Army). As a Sapper, Sgt Braille has large paws and is accustomed to lifting heavy things, building bridges and digging holes - or at least getting his subordinates to do those things. Unlike most of the other Bears in the Team, he also wears trousers - which says much and little in the same breath. He was made by Postal Bears.

Corporal Arnhem: Following an outbreak of Parachuting and mingling with members of the Parachute Regiment, it was felt appropriate to include a Para-Bear in the Team's line-up. Corporal Arnhem was generously provided by the donor of Sgt Braille, and is also from Postal Bears. He proudly wears his Para wings on his right arm, and on the left wears the maroon "DZ Patch" of the 1st Battalion, The Parachute Regiment. He drinks beer.

My lovely little friend Burra has already wowed my female colleagues at Grampian Police; he's been to Archaeolink; he's been to Kings College; and he's keeping a diary which should appear on the website when he goes back to his adopted home in Jersey, Channel Islands.

Burra at Kings College

We are hoping to go to the Lochnagar Distillery since Burra likes a drammy! Looks like I'll also have to supply him with shortbread on the wye hame too! He's very good and is very interested in history.

Well, at the same time though, my parents brought back a Burra Bear for me to adopt! Magnie o'Scalloway is now happily installed in the bedroom and has been having a right lazy time since he arrived. He is a very similiar colour to Burra, and they are probably related. He hasn't even been to the shops yet to buy his mammy a postcard! (On adopting a Burra Bear, you have to send a postcard back to tell Wendy where he or she has gone to!)

Magnie thinks aboot writin hame

Magnie's adoption Certificate

So here's some snaps of the bears in my hoose and oot and aboot.

'Now here's an ideal form of transport'

Nom nom!

Burra & me on a photo walk

Clunk Click, every trip!

Ladybug

2010-05-30T01:47:00.002+01:00

Ladybird, Ladybird fly away home
Your house is on fire
Your children are all gone!

A Peaceful Peacock Protest

2010-03-17T01:58:00.004Z

a video montage of the 'event' we - Sara Reith, Matt Wickham and I - held in UTG two Fridays ago.

Song - me, 'Twa Corbies' - an ancient ballad for the craws of UTG - 'Corbie Haugh'/'Crows' Copse' is the oldest part of the gardens.

Sgt. Squirrel Bears Arms!!

2010-03-02T23:09:00.015Z

The animals have had enough... Sgt. Squirrel tells it like it is, in this hilarious pastiche of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

With only 3 days left of the City Square consultation, it's not surprising that more and more creative talent spills over as artists of all types respond to the threat of the loss of the new Peacock Northern Light Art Centre.

So, as a storyteller, yours truly is going to do her bit for the gardens... for the trees specifically.

More later on this subject.

Meanwhile, enjoy the video! And sign the petition, add your voice to the consultation while you're at it!!

Universal Theories...

2010-02-27T00:45:00.003Z

It started as a joke, but then we challenged him to do it for real...

...welcome the newest member of the blogging fraternity, Donnie Ross, with 'Uncle Donnie's Theory of Everything'.

To me its like the great mental ruminations of the stars, the kind of thoughts you get when you see a copy of Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time in the library or bookshop (I own a copy, but have never read it, obviously!), or think too much about how the Time Vortex and the TARDIS works in Dr Who (better known as how Russell T Davies managed to change the Whoniverse to suit himself!), Donnie's first post is all about observation, which would link into relativity (yes, Professor Einstein, I hear you!).

So, Uncle Donnie's Theory of Everything Part 1: Uncle Donnie's Theory Part One: we have the capacity to create expectations which configure our perceptions much more efficiently than we commonly notice.

And then what the dog was thinking... yes, a starring role for Coco, the gorgeous chocolate Labrador! Better known as Mental Modelling for Dogs (and humans!): 'So mental modelling, if you're still paying attention, is a key feature of human expertise, and the signs are that this may apply to dogs also. '

I love the use of the Doric word 'dwam' when Donnie refers to how the great thinkers and artists have experienced a 'Brown Study'!

we love Coco the Dog!

I thought of doing my own smaller occasional posting of mental rumblings, and it will be entitled 'Dads' Theories of Living for Inquisitive Small Children' - mainly because of some of the stories I've heard from others about what their Dads told them when they were wee, like Pauline's story about the light in the airing cupboard!! Watch this space!

But I think there should be more room for universal theorising online, it's the place to do it! I love thinking big, global, universal! Like why does it take so long to get to other planets? What is the point of wasps? How does time work?

So, Donnie, I salute you, more deep thinking please!!

The Green Space that has us Seeing Red

2010-02-16T11:17:00.005Z

... that's how Scotland on Sunday feature writer, Peter Ross described Union Terrace Gardens in his excellent article this past weekend.

And yes, the fight goes on!! Pop icon, Annie Lennox, former pupil of Aberdeen's Harlaw Academy waded into the row this week and criticised the insanity of allowing her home town's historic heart to be ripped out. Donald-Trump-aping local tycoon, Ian Wood hit back, saying she didn't know anything about architecture. A case of the pot calling the kettle black! Ian Wood knows about fishing boats and engineering, but not how to design a building sympathetic to a Victorian public garden!

A gorgeous view of the HMT from UTG - by Donnie Ross, courtesy of the 'Hidden Aberdeen' photo group

ACSEF (Aberdeen City & Shire Economic Futures), Wood's cronies in the affair have thrown money and spin at their 'City Square' project in the face of growing anger and distrust from Aberdeen's citizens who have been writing every day to the Press & Journal to complain. The I Heart UTG campaigners, headed by Gray's Art School grads, Katie Guthrie and Fraser Denholm have been pushing hard to get the truth out to the city, including putting on fund-raising concerts with local bands, getting leaflets printed, making badges, and even having Katie's heart design STOLEN by a supporter for the 'other side'. Katie and Fraser's greatest publicity ploy happened during the recent snow, when they spread three huge banners across the beautiful snowy canvas of the gardens, expressing the plea of the very ground itself 'SAVE ME'!

Architecture Journals, national press, TV, all have had their say, the Central Belt press all at a loss as to why on earth Aberdonians would allow their historic green space to be concreted over - an idea which has been floating around since the 1960s.

But now, time is short - ACSEF's consultation has a mere three weeks to run. The future of Peacock Visual Art's new Northern Light arts centre still looks uncertain, with the funding likely to be pulled in March also. So there's no excuse now. My other pet project, the Aberdeen Urban Studies Centre has lost its fight, axed by the council's swingeing budget cuts, but Peacock does have a chance! This majestic bird flickers its iridescent tail in order to challenge its enemies as well as win mates, and WILL prevail. It would be unthinkable to allow the bankruptcy of an organisation which has done so much for the community, merely because of one man's desire to buy immortality.

If the worst were to happen, it means that no plan passed by the council is safe - Peacock Visual Arts already HAD PLANNING PERMISSION PASSED!!! Yet apparently, any megalomaniac can come along and flash his wad like Harry Enfield's Yuppie generation character Loadsamoney and demand his plan be installed instead, despite the fact the city DON'T WANT IT!!

Down in the gardens, surrounded by fabulous architecture, picture by Donnie Ross, courtesy of the 'Hidden Aberdeen' photo group

So, to reiterate the plea of the Peacock and I Heart UTG, here's what you can do if you haven't acted already:

PHONE 0800 111 4881 and vote NO

TEXT 60777, followed by 'square' and tell the enemy your 'thoughts' (keep it clean!)

EMAIL consultation@thecitysquareproject.com and also express heartfelt opinions

SNAIL MAIL The City Square Project, Weber Shandwick PR, 58 Queens Road, Aberdeen AB15 4YE.

OR - go to the consultation website and fill in the survey, voting NO to the 'City Square' - http://www.thecitysquareproject.com/consultation/

AND of course, SIGN THE PETITION to save the new arts centre!!!! http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/save-the-new-contemporary-art-centre-in-union-terrace-gardens.html/

My tribute Hearts!

Kittybrewster 'Subway' - Historic Sites of Aberdeen Series 2

2010-02-10T23:13:00.005Z

Another in my historical series - and to celebrate the launch of two new Facebook groups focusing on the hidden history of city and shire! Hidden Aberdeen was my idea, inspired by the rash of 'Secret Cities' groups, and photographing genius, John Rutherford, aka Aberdeen's cheeriest postie, started Hidden Aberdeenshire as a companion. Please join these groups if you're on that famous social networking site.

Ok - the 'subway' I refer to runs from the junction of Stafford Street and Leslie Terrace, under the railway line out into what is now the Berryden Retail Park, behind Next.

This satellite image shows the locus.

So - what was the reason for it? The subway existed as early as 1900 and before, probably from the time of the railway - it appears on the OS Map for Old Aberdeen at that date. It was probably just a convenient shortcut, but became all the more useful when the employees of the Northern Cooperative Society (aka Norco aka the Co-opie) were able to duck under the railway to get to the dairy and bakery on Berryden Road! This war-time picture shows the lane from the Berryden side stretching away to the back of Norco's site where the retail park dominates today.

What's left? Just the covered in blue railings preventing people from accessing the tunnel which is bricked up anyway - courtesy of Rail Track (spoilsports!)- and the fact it's next to a hydro-electric substation box probably!

If you go behind the box (to the right of the picture) and peer into the undergrowth, you can see the entrance to the tunnel.

The subway is sneakily hidden on the railway side of Leslie Terrace at Stafford Street, but now you know where to look!! A friend who lived at 100 Leslie Terrace recalls being able to go through the subway even in the 1980s, and another older friend knows the man who has the little garage next door to the subby box there, and he had previously been able to use it with the railway folk's permission.

When I worked at PC World, which of course is the other side of this, people were constantly moaning about having to either walk all the way round from Belmont Road down Berryden Road, or up Hutcheon Street to get to work - all the time the subway was there! We should've petitioned to have it reopened - but here you go another example of how the council and railway company does nowt to make life easier for their clients! Duh, you wouldn't get aff with that in private business!

So, if you see the subway, give it a nod. And if you're ever inclined to sneak around Next's service yard, do take a picture of the opposite site for me!!

More Hidden Aberdeen soon - I'm going to create a website.

No No Keshagesh!

2010-01-24T20:26:00.003Z

That's the title of native American folk singer, Buffy Sainte-Marie.

Highly effective considering my annoyance at the cooncil just now. The title translates as 'No No Greedyguts' and is a rant against corporate greed.

Love it!

With a thundering beat and stark words, Buffy tells it like it is!

da lyrics:

I never saw so many business suits.
Never knew a dollar sign that looked so cute.
Never knew a junkie with a money Jones:
He's singing, "Who's selling Park Place. Who's buying Boardwalk"?
These old men they make their dirty deals.
Go in the back room and see what they can steal.
Talk about your beautiful and spacious skies.
It's about uranium; it's about the water rights.
Put Mother Nature on a luncheon plate.
They cut her up and call it real estate.
Want all the resources and all of the land.
They make a war over it: Blow things up for it.
The reservation now is poverty row.
There's something cooking and the lights are low.
Somebody's trying to save our mother earth.
I'm gonna help them to save it,
To sing it and bring it

Singing: No no Keshagesh:
You can't do that no more, (no more, no more no more)
No, no, no, no Keshagesh
You can't do that no more, (no more, no more no more)
No, no, no, no Keshagesh
You can't do that no more, (no more, no more no more)
No, no, no, no Keshagesh
You can't do that no more, (no more, no more no more)

Ole Columbus he was looking good,
When he got lost in our neighborhood.
Garden of Eden right before his eyes.
Now it's all spy ware: now it's all income tax.
Ole' brother Midas looking hungry today.
What he can't buy he'll get some other way.
Send in the troopers if the natives resist.
Old, old story boys, that's how you do it boys.
Look at these people; ah they're on a roll.
Gonna have it all, gonna have complete control.
Want all the resources and all of the land.
They'll break the law for it: Blow things up for it.
When all our champions are off in the war,
Their final rip off here and is always on.
Mr. greed I think your time has come.
We're gonna sing it and pray it and live it then say it.

Singing: No no Keshagesh:
You can't do that no more, (no more, no more no more)
No, no, no, no Keshagesh
You can't do that no more, (no more, no more no more)
No, no, no, no Keshagesh
You can't do that no more, (no more, no more no more)
No, no, no, no Keshagesh
You can't do that no more, (no more, no more no more)

Is nothing sacred?

2010-01-15T22:06:00.003Z

As if the I heart UTG campaign wasn't causing enough heartache, I was disgusted to discover that my friends at the Aberdeen Environmental Education Centre/ formerly Aberdeen Urban Studies Centre is threatened with closure!

27 years of innovative, pupil-centred, lively, fantastic educational resources, and now they are going to pull the plug on Allan, John and Wendy. I was so angry, because they have spent the last month or so helping me bring to life a previously unseen collection of wartime photographs documenting Aberdeen's worst blitz, 21 April 1943. John Sullivan, techie genius, has been digitising the oddest sized negs from their original celluloid format into high-quality images that both they at AEEC and I, as Police Curator for Grampian can use. We are about to hold a joint exhibition, hosted by the Limousine Bull Artists' Collective in Torry, 29 Jan - 14 Feb, and I was up at Skene Square today, the school where AEEC is based, and John told me the grim news.

This is a tragedy for education, really!

I am so annoyed I have been moved to start my own campaign against their threatened closure.

So please join me either on the wiki page or the Facebook group and keep the seagull flying!!

And if you remember going to the Victorian Classroom at Skene Square, write and tell Allan, John or Wendy about your favourite memories: http://www.aeec.org.uk

I am so serious about this, we cannot muck about as the council is going to drop the axe by March of THIS YEAR.

You can download AEEC's manifesto here (it's a PDF file, you need Adobe Reader to view it)

Please print this out and make sure everyone sees it!!

Do you want the truth or something beautiful?

2010-01-11T14:10:00.003Z

Seems like the truth will tell, and it ain't beautiful! (apologies to Paloma Faith, her title was too cool not to use!)

http://www.comparethesquare.com/

Read that, then go to the City Square Project and vote with your heart on their survey.

(and no, I cannot take any credit for the excellent compare-the-square site, but its genius!)

Check out the gardens in all their summer beauty in this fellow creative soul's facebook photoalbum - Donnie Ross. (note the fabulous Belmont Cinema starring in its own fab shots!)

Keep up-to-date with the campaign by joining the Facebook Group - and telling the opposition what you think to their plans to destroy a centuries'-old landmark.

(oh, and if you're thinking of leaving a nasty comment here, don't bother, I moderate all my comments and will quite happily reject spammers)

One Half of Lee and Herring

2009-11-28T21:52:00.006Z

... was the darkly witty Stewart Lee.

I have gone mental for him! I watched a bit of Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle on YouTube, and was hooked. I thought he was a sarcastic idiot when he was first on the scene in the late 80s and early 90s with his mate Richard Herring. BBC7 have just finished repeating Lee and Herring's Fist of Fun, and he was wicked then!

the smile is deceptive

Anyway, I utterly love his laconic delivery which isn't self-deprecating or melancholic like Jack Dee, but self-righteous and smart. Comedy Vehicle is Stewart's lastest excuse to lay forth on various subjects including Books, Religion, TV and the economy. Watched that one last week on Dave (the home of witty banter - as they say), and the funniest analogy was when he spoke about debt being destroyed by being fired into a long tube and smashed into credit - anyone who watched QI XL when Ben Miller and Rob Brydon snogged will remember Ben yapping on about the Large Hedron Collider in Switzerland, and that's the comparison Stewart was making. Gee, why isn't he on QI or the like? He's smart enough!

waxing sarcastic - Stewart Lee in his 'Comedy Vehicle'

He's a 'cuddly' comedian, with the vitriol of a viper! In anticipating critics of his 21st century bulk, he said 'I've just consolidated my fat into one easy but equally massive unit of fat', mocking the slogan of many credit companies offering debt-relief.

He berates Dan Brown's simplistic writing style. The DaVinci Code, Stewart says 'is not great literature', and reads a line from the overblown conspiracist novel 'The famous man looked at the red cup.'

Stewart Lee, you are great.
(and this post was an unashamed excuse for me to drool!)

Curiouser and curiouser, thought Alice...

2009-10-01T23:59:00.007+01:00

... who would have thought you could get cakes that say 'eat me' in Aberdeen??

Well, you can, and I found them in a FANTASTIC new shop called Johnny Come Lately. JCL is Fay's shop, in George Street, two doors down from Party Mania, across from Maberley Street, for those of you who are local bloggers. Fay sells lots of dead cool eclectic stuff, some of her own creations and others by local and Scottish artists and craftspeople, including I Like's Anne, from Glasgow and my mate Gabi Reith.

Tonight was JCL's Alice in Wonderland discount night, hence the title of this post. We had cakes, wine, chat and lots of lovely things to ponder over buying!

Cakes were supplied by Maggie - of Maggie's Cupcakes and very lovely too. I haven't the heart to eat mine yet! (Wine courtesy of Makro I think!!) You MUST order cakes from her - I once was at a wedding where there was no cake, but hundreds of little cupcakes - what a fabby idea! So, let's have the first local wedding with Maggie cakes!

Here is the stunning Alice cupcake I chose - shedding sugar stars like a comet! Num num!

We got goodie bags - here is what I found in mine:

Flump sweetie
Rose-shaped candle and glass holder
Shiny pink purse (with a pin badge of a clown inside)
Blue ring
Greeting card

I put the cake in it and two postcards for other local designers, The Junction and Antoinette Jewellery.

And I bought a great ring - perfect considering all the hearts I've been designing lately for the IheartUTG campaign - a sparkly, orange heart... with my 15% discount too!

(My fingers are really NOT that podgy!)

Now that's just darling! This is the sort of shop I've wanted in Aberdeen for YEARS. It reminds me of Loot - late-lamented wonderful trinket emporium in St. Andrews which I miss like mad - and Bonkers, another St Andrews store which still exists, thankfully, who also sell cool and bizarre stuff. So, hooray Fay, your dizzy decision to open your shop was the right one! Hoping very much to see some designs from fellow blogger Elle Carter of American Duchess Apparel in the next wee while, as we've been Facebooking to sort out something. So Johnny Come Lately could be the first truly international art store in Aberdeen! Great stuff!

BTW - the origin of the name... I don't know if Fay references any of these, but putting my folklorist's hat on, here are some factoids about the phrase/name 'Johnny Come Lately'

1. Dictionary Def...

n. Informal, pl., John·ny-come-late·lies, or John·nies-come-late·ly (jŏn'ēz-).
A newcomer or latecomer, especially a recent adherent to a cause or trend.

2. A 1943 film starring James Cagney about a drifter who helps a woman save her ailing newspaper

3. An indie rock band

4. A song by Catatonia

5. A song by Steve Earle

6. A Florida blog about the restaurant industry!

And that's just what I could find on Google!

Which just goes to show, if you call your shop that, you are a trend-setter, rather than a follower! Good luck, Fay, and lets hope there are many more 'cake nights' to come!!

Arty Quine - Celebrating Images of Scotland

2009-09-29T00:38:00.003+01:00

Announcing the launch of a new commercial venture - Arty Quine Scottish Products

Scottish Images - art and photography by local artist, Jane Swan, at her Zazzle shop which can be reached via the wiki site - here

Examples of products:

iheartutg campaign t-shirt featuring flower power heart design (this type of shirt £20)

Black and White 'Ringer' Mug with Dark Flower Power Design (£14.00)

Inverallochy Castle Postcards (£1.25 each; £8 for a set of 8)

Aberdeen Beach Shelter Postcards (£1.25 each £8 for a set of 8)

Do come and buy!!! http://www.zazzle.com/artyquine

insert - heart - here

2009-09-01T23:10:00.007+01:00

Aberdeen's artists are alive and well!

After messing about hob-nobbing with film-types at the ODR Aberdeen premiere, it was sooo refreshing to get back to old-fashioned hand made creativity. No offence to messers Clark and Stirton, but speaking as someone who used to love drawing, I do prefer pencil and paper.

Insert follows on the back of the fabulous I Heart UTG campaign, displaying 'hearts' from different local artists, some established, some recent art school graduates like the wonderful Katie Guthrie who started the campaign, and selling them in order to help fund more publicity for the campaign!

I couldn't resist!

Unknowningly, when I saw the artwork I fell for, I'd picked Katie's! I said to her, 'I've seen the one I want,' and I pointed it out to her, and she said, 'That's mine!' I don't think she believed I really meant it!! But I did. I will post a proper pic when it comes off the wall. It's a heart made up of dots, based on the colour-blindness test.

Katie writing SOLD under me heart...

Why did I fall for it? Two reasons, colour, blues and pinks - blue goes with my spare room, pink has always been one of my fave colours (mix of red and purple, which are my faves); AND when I was little and lived in our old house, we had 'the Book of Colour', a riot, nay a feast of colourful pix, and one of the things was the colour-blindness test. That's when I found out my Dad can't tell red and green from grey, and I'm perfectly fine! But I loved and adored that book, there was everything about colour, colour in nature, colour in culture, pop-art, traditional painting, cars, things, pots of paint, light, laser, wow, if ever I loved a book... I have another one called 'Dreamlands' which is a collection of illustrations from a graphic artist, and I just sit and look at it. Same thing, a feast for the eyes.

So Katie, you brought back memories of sitting in the sun lounge on dark winter afternoons, drooling over the fabulous, unimaginable colours that showed a magical world that I wanted to disappear into. If ever there was a colour 'Bible', that was it.

Anyway! The rest of the hearts had just about sold out by 7.30pm, only 1hr and a half into proceedings!

Met Phil and Gabi, the Thompson-Reiths, - Gabi of course being Sara Reith's sister, and Sara my fellow PhD-er. Their little girl was there, a vision in pink. She looks affa like her cousin Ailsa, same big green eyes, that must be a Reith trait! Anyway, Poppy was noming up the jelly beans, as was I. She was intrigued with the heart made out of two speakers, the roundels forming the top bit of the heart, especially cos there was sound coming out of them! Now that's what I like, that goes down the road of Scrapheap challenge, foraying into the land of cars and engineering which I also like - esp after a discussion on Facebook about men in sheds, and the lucious James May from Top Gear, who is a man who loves mucking about making things in sheds.

Anyway, back to the art, another intriguing heart was a book, with a heart stitched in what looked like thick raffia thread right through it. Phil had a chalk on slate anatomical drawing of a heart and Jo Gannon had a weird but cool Gothic-biker-megadeath-stylee heart with skulls. Hmm!

Jo's Biker-Goth-Megadeath heart

Gabi had a selection of postcards which I had already seen at Tea Cosy (more on that in a forthcoming post), but they all featured a heart. The selkie and the birds were my faves.

Gabi's beautiful bird

I only wish there had been more! I can visualise thousands in my head. Time I got my one done.

Anyway - the lack of blogging has all been due to the thesis, which has less than three weeks to go now, and I've spent most of my leisure time on Facebook, moaning to aabody about it! I found out most of my fellow bloggers are far more avid Facebookers, tsk tsk! anyway, it lead me into our city's contemporary art world, and that's fine by me.

Maybe I should do a selection of me own heart patterns??

Well, back to the grindstone... but I may go via the pencil and paper!

I LOVE UTG

2009-08-12T15:46:00.003+01:00

You'll notice there's a new badge on the blog sidebar - I'm demonstrating my support for the campaign to protect Union Terrace Gardens from destruction!!

The campaign, which so far includes a petition, badges, activities, was set up by art student Katie Guthrie, initially to support Peacock Visual Arts in their bid to hold on to their proposed development of Union Terrace Gardens which would build an arts centre into the existing site. Peacock, as I mentioned on an earlier post, already HAD planning permission, but the City Council's greed and financial mismanagement led to them falling over themselves to sook up to a certain local tycoon - no not Mr Trump - who plans to concrete over the gardens and make a ridiculous 'civic square' where there is no room for one!!! How's that for stupidity? You give permission to one group, then someone with more money comes along and you say, right, we'll put the first group out of business so we can line our pockets! That's wrong on so many levels!!!

Right, you all know what I'm on about. Katie sent me an email urging those of us who don't want to see our historic gardens, home of the Corbie Haugh, a remnant of one of the few indigenous woods in the city, to fill in GreenStat's survey about UTG - yes you can say its rubbish right now, but you need to say what better things money could be spent on to make it good again!!

The link here takes you to the City Council web site, then that links to GreenStat's survey - you also get access to any of their other surveys about green spaces all over Britain, but just click on Scotland, register your details (you can remain anonymous), and click the button to do surveys on parks, then you can pick UTG.

Vox Populi, Vox Dei, as they say - if we don't speak out, the council will just carry on with its self-centred greedy ways - just look at Mr Cassie!! oops, well, that's public domain.

We voted for these eejits - well, maybe we didn't, but somebody did, let's make them accountable!!!

The badge on the sidebar will take you to Katie's campaign site - there is one on Facebook too, which is at the moment advertising a mystery treasure hunt! Cool!

Stanley Robertson 1940-2009 - RIP

2009-08-03T23:47:00.005+01:00

Stanley, in his element

Master Storyteller, singer, balladier, the last of the great Traveller tradition-bearers in the North-East of Scotland, Stanley Robertson, MUnv, died yesterday of a heartattack. He will be sorely missed by his friends, students, and listeners. The funeral is due to take place on Friday at the Mormon Church on Anderson Drive, Aberdeen. Many folk will want to come and pay their respects.

Stanley was our friend; he was the honorary president of Grampian Association of Storytellers and it was always a special night when Stanley came to a GAS meeting. I first met him when I went to a storytelling and singing circle which was hosted by the Elphinstone Institute (even before I was a student!) in Aberdeen Uni's Humanity Manse, College Bounds. I had never heard of him before and was bowled over by his fabulous folktales. And Stanley never forgot me; I sang my most favourite murder ballad - the first one I ever learned - Long Lankin, and he always commented upon it after that.

Any story I ever heard Stanley tell stuck right in my head and I was able to tell my own version. I interviewed him for the GAS newsletter a couple of years ago and he told of his difficult childhood as a Traveller bairn, despised by his teachers and hated by some of his less-than-friendly neighbours. The town represented the scaldie world, but the road... now that was the Traveller's world, one where the stories of the family were as real and as vibrant as any history book. Stanley delighted in the auld road o Lumphanan, which was guarded by Auld Crobhie, a master oak tree which had a special significance for the 'Gaun-Aboot-Folk'. Stanley's daughter Nicole brought a scaldie friend with her on one such summer trip, and the girl scoffed at the notion she should shake hands with Auld Crobhie, but the tree demonstrated its ancient power as a branch slapped the girl in the face for her ignorance.

Stanley told of how his great aunt Maggie taught him to recognise the difference between story-time and real time, as he went 'through the eye of the skull', an imaginary technique that he taught to us storytellers, and it really works! Modern people would call it 'getting in the zone', getting 'Zen', but it is the trip along the auld road into a world where there are fairies, demons, witches, and the Earl of Hell himself, as well as knights, wizards, queens, ladies, and of course, canny Traveller folk like Stanley himself, and his perennial hero, Jack.

From Stanley I realised I was remembering stories I already knew - now where they came from, perhaps buried in the memories of childhood, but I have no idea - he had a magic of his own, he could bring out the best in those who wished to learn. He taught us about things you can't ever learn in books and put new heart into old ballads like The Silkie of Sule Skerry and Lowlands Away.

Many folk will remember that amazing supernatural ballads weekend at Edzell where we were taught The Four Green Fields, the Irish rebel song. Something very strange happened when we sang it - I think we were all taken back to the land of those sorrows, to Mother Ireland, and felt her pain, because Stanley took us there. We practically raised the roof singing it. It actually sounds terrible in the recording, proving that magic can't be captured! I remember that weekend because it was the same time Maggie Fraser shared her ghost-story, I scared myself with a most spectral version of MacCrimmon's Lament, and we all had our souls stretched.

Another time of great emotion and amazing experiences was the storytelling weekend at the Grant Centre near Monymusk. We had snow, sun, blizzard winds, were chorused awake by rooks, learned about the two statues near Bennachie, the Maiden Stone and Persephone, both having fantastic tales attached; we wrote poems that were better than any of us had ever written, we made up plays, we sang, we ate, and on that last Sunday afternoon, we shared. That was when our hearts were opened like never before. There was no fear, everyone bonded together like I have never experienced.

Those are times I will treasure - as well as all the stories, all the insightful comments, the more 'fruity' jokes that came out in late sessions at our much-missed storytelling weekend at the Woodend Barn, Stanley's rapier-like perception which could destroy his enemies and comfort his friends.

He was the greatest storyteller of his generation - no-one else I know could tell stories that I immediately learned from one hearing!! I even had the guts to tell one of his stories in front of him at the last GAS meeting we were all at together - and he said it was 'nae bad,' which for Stanley was a massive compliment! He always said that if someone took a story of his, he would expect them to remain true to it, like one would polish a beautiful chalice, but not to add to it and destroy it! I know what he meant. And that story? Jack and the Devil's Auntie! It's in Exodus to Alford and has three of the cleverest riddles I've ever heard.

I'm going to end with them, and direct you to the poems from mini-site I made of the trip to Monymusk. Sadly the original mini-site has disappeared into the ether, but the poems are still there!!

What time is it when the wee dwarfie of the North is chasin his big Ma and Da?

We ken there's a man in the moon, how do we ken there's a wifie in the moon?

How can a one-eyed man see mair than you can wi two eyes?

Answers on a virtual postcard in the comments section please!!

Requiescat in pace

The Secret Life of Walter's Mittens

2009-07-18T20:03:00.004+01:00

After a very, very long absence, we have a proper folktale!! This belongs to a very funny monologue from Gary Hogg, an illustrator and writer. He's produced a couple of albums of his stories, and the one I'm going to tell you now was read by Bernard Wrigley, from t'depths o' Lancashire! Gary Hogg is a very funny man, and speaks Geordie, which of course is a language that shares many words with Scots.

But here's the story... The Secret Life of Walter's Mittens

Poor young Walter! He'd got home to find his mother had given a great pile of his stuff to the local Scout Jumble Sale. He wasn't so bothered about his Broons and Oor Wullie annuals, or the bits for his old bike, or even the old clothes he'd grown out of, but there was one very precious pair of items that he really couldn't part with... his mittens!

That was why when the Scoutmaster and the ladies from the Guild came down to the Scout Hut that Saturday morning, they found a very cold, damp Walter huddled on the doorstep.
"Ee," commented the Scoutmaster, "Thou's na right in the heid tae be stayin up aa night, tha'd better come in!"

Walter shivered and was pleased to accept a cup of tea from the ladies as he stood by the heater and dried his wet bum.

"What's tha after at the sale, Walter? Some music? A football jersey? Must be somethin affa important that tha stayed up aa night t'be first in't queue!" one of the Guild ladies asked him.

"It's ma auld mittens! Ma granny knitted them for'ss!" Walter replied, wrapping his cold hands around the hot mug of tea.

"Ah, well, that maks aa the difference, tha canna dae withoot special things like that! Will ah look them out for yis?" she asked.

"Aye, they're a bit auld, and holey, but am not doin withoot them! They're aa colours o the rainbow, they came from an auld Persian rug me grandda brought back fae Morocco fan he was in North Africa during tha war," Walter explained.

The ladies rummaged through the clothes bags that had been brought until they found the one that had Walter's mother's address on the label. They emptied the bag out and carefully folded the trousers, skirts, old dresses, baby clothes and other things. Right at the bottom of the bag were what looked like two matted pieces of wool.

"That's them! That's ma mittens! Ow much will ah have to pay tae get them back?" Walter exclaimed.

"These auld raggedy things? Oh Walter, tha's better buying a new pair, even if yer granny made them!" the Scoutmaster commented.

"Nah, nah, ye dinna realise, they're special... they're magic." Walter's eyes glittered.

The Scoutmaster laughed, thinking Walter really had gone soft in the head. "Oh aye, well, we'll say nine pence," he told him.

Walter scrabbled in his pocket and brought out a little horseshoe-shaped leather coin-purse. He shoogled the coins out into the lid, then counted nine one pences onto the table. "There, nine pence! Now, can I have ma mittens?" he asked politely.

The ladies of the Guild gave him the mittens, admonishing him and telling him to go and wash them. Walter took no notice but shoved them on his cold hands and ran back home. The mittens stayed on his hands for the rest of the day.

Now reader, one might wonder why the poor Geordie lad wanted to profer coins of the realm for something that looked like the cat had been at it! Well, let me tell you about the secret life of those mittens...

Walter's grandfather had indeed brought back the most hideous, moth-eaten rug from his time with the Desert Rats, claiming it was a genuine Persian carpet. Walter's granny was so happy her husband had survived the war, she simply gave the carpet a quick shampoo and laid it in pride of place in front of the fire in the living room. Now, grandfather outlived the carpet, as it was clearly infested with some horrible African bug that had begun to eat it! One night, Walter remembered, as a very small boy being in his grandparents' house - his favourite place to be to hear his grandda's war stories - and seeing a fragment of coal jump from the fire, which often happened if there was a bit of slate or graphite in the fire that exploded, and suddenly the rug was smouldering!

Well! Grandma ran for the carpet beater and walloped the smoke out for all she was worth, but by the time Grandda got a pail of water and dumped it over the rug, there was a large hole in it. That was the end of the rug's days, but Walter's grandmother, being brought up with the maxim 'make do and mend', cut off the good bit of the carpet that was left, pulled it out and knitted mittens for Walter.

What no-one knew was that the market stallholder in Morocco who had sold the rug to Walter's grandfather, was actually a wizard! An Arab wizard in hiding from his enemies! His flying carpet was all he had taken with him, and had fallen on hard times - so he sold it, to a Geordie soldier.

The magic carpet had lain on the floor of Walter's grandparents' living room for years without a soul knowing it was a magic carpet, because no-one ever knew the magic word!!

The magic word was ... Alekazam!

Walter's grandparents had both passed away so there was no-one to know otherwise now.

Walter only found out by accident one day last year when he was sent for the dinnertime sandwiches. He was an apprentice at the local garage which was behind the Co-op, and being the youngest, he was always sent to the shop. It was a windy day, so the shopping list blew out of Walter's hand.

But that didn't deter our hero - Walter had an amazing memory, because he had taken a long time to learn to read, and had memorised the storybooks at school as the teacher taught them, so it looked as if he was reading, but he'd just remembered exactly what part of the story went with the pictures. This skill had come in handy.

He recited the list of his work-mates sarnies in his head as he walked around to the Co-op's front door:

"Ray has cheese, and Duffy has egg; bacon and brown sauce for Jimmy, and Billy has spam, and Alec has 'am,"

Well that was it! He'd said the magic word - "Alec-has-'am" the carpet, being of Arabian extraction perhaps had a little trouble with the Geordie accent, because it responded, as it would have done to its master on saying "Alekazam!"

From the thumb of the mitt spake a voice:

"I am a magic carpet - well, mitten - what is your wish, oh master?"

"I can fly you to anywhere - well, hopefully, given my much changed shape," the mitten said.

"Ooh, really now? Well, we could al'us go to Cup Final next May!" Walter exclaimed.

"Cup Final? No probs, I've been bored out ma brains the last fifty years on your granny's floor!" the mitten replied.

They disappeared in a cloud of smoke and sparks and whizzed through time and space until they landed in the best seat in Wembley Stadium. Of course, we can't reveal who won, but Walter cheered as his team scored six goals.

The mitts pulled him into the air as soon as the final whistle blew and they zoomed back to the present, ten minutes after Walter had left. He hurriedly went to buy his sarnies and flew back to the garage, literally!

"Oi, Walter, where's tha been? Why's tha three foot off ground?" the garage lads asked in wonder as he floated to a halt on the forecourt.

Walter recounted his amazing experience and his discovery that his mittens were indeed possessed of magical powers. "I know I musta said the magic word, but ah dinna know what it woulda been!" he told them.

"Ah, it'll likely be abracadabra," said Ray of the cheese sarnie.

"Nah, tha knows nowt," dismissed Duffy.

The lads spent the rest of the day saying any exotic and not-so-exotic word that came to mind directly to Walter's mitts.

Of course, they were totally unsuccessful. And poor Alec! Walter's little trip into space had caused the ham to go off, so Alec phoned in sick saying he'd had a terrible night.

Walter has been trying every other word he can think of every day he goes to the shop in hopes that he might hit on that magical incantation again and bring the mitts back to life.

But it is unlikely he ever will, cos Alec doesn't have ham now.

After the horror of the food-poisoning, Alec turned vegetarian, and has given up on meat entirely.

Poor Walter! The mittens' secret life are at an end... for now, anyway.

And the moral of the story is... always remember the last word you said before a magical occurence!!

This and Gary's other hilarious monologues can be found on the CD - Fairly Truthful Tales; it includes titles like The Lion, the Witch and the Warburtons, Dave the Jackal, and Jack and the Beansprouts he sells on his web site.

Avian Porcines

2009-06-28T21:21:00.009+01:00

Mad, bad and dangerous tae ken... The Flying Pigs

At the last minute, Gwen and I decided to go and see the latest comedy offering from local comedic crew, The Flying Pigs, called 'How To Look Good Glaikit'. (English translation of glaikit = daft, stupid, space cadet) Having seen Desperate Fishwives two years ago, I wasn't impressed, and thought they were just being a straight rip-off of Scotland the What, the most fantastic all-NE Doric Scots comedy trio - and considering Johnny of the Flying Pigs is related to Buff Hardie, that wasn't hard.

But, I was amazed and delighted! What a hoot! The 'Pigs' have matured in their comedy and were right on the nose when it came to local and national events. The government was ridiculed in a way similar to the old Scotland the What's take-a-ceilidh-dance-tune-and-write-silly-words thing, but with clever, satiric, biting invective on a par with Rory Bremner. But they reserved their best vitriol for Aberdeen City Council...

Ho ho, in the best tradition of the court jester holding up a mirror to the court and showing them how they really appeared in the eyes of the people, Craig Pike, Johnny Hardie and the gang trashed the council for all it was worth... we had songs, skits, jokes, asides, and a fantastic song and dance number at the end which was accompanied cleverly by a prerecorded choir comprising of pupils from Haddo Primary School and the Aberdeen Chorus of Sweet Adelines via the plasma screen. The audience were left in no doubt with what the Pigs thought of the Cooncil! And I really hope there were some of them there, cos boy, did they get it in the neck!!

Possibly the best dig at the council was the fantastic lament for the Uptown Baths aka Bon Accord Baths done to the tune of Billy Joel's Uptown Girl. It was a rant in song, done with sensitivity and wit, but up to date, rather than a poor shadow of STW's Picture Hooses and The Ashvale. That better be going on You-Tube asap!!!

So, just I as said a few blog posts back, regarding the guy who built the castle under the hay bales, governments should be very afraid.

We also had the return of a selection of characters from the earlier show, including my fave, The Licensing Board, Johnny Hardie excellent as the desperate chairman who was so sure it was his 'shottie' for being Lord Provost, he readily agrees to anything that the lawyer, played by the slick Moray Barber, asks for, the latter also cleverly gets round 'Councillor Watson', played by Greg Gordon whose canny mannie cooncillor is all too believable!!! A nod to the sneaky backhanders and nepotism allegedly carried out by our local leaders!? Surely not! ;->

The long-suffering Wattie returned (one of Craig Pike's alter egos) with his typical Aiberdeen wifie wife, played by Greg's other half, Susan. The throttling of the sparrow was particularly hilarious - when Wattie roars 'of course am sure it's deid, I pulled its heid aff!!'

The two auld mannies were back, as were the West End men-about-town, one who is a massive liar, both sets of characters played by Johnny and Craig. The burning down of the Seaton Bowling Club has got to be the funniest story with a ring of truth in it!!

So, well done, little piglets have matured into lean, slick and mean modern porkers! In best possible way, these guys are championing the cause of local Doric humour for the 21st century!

(note glaikit dates back to at least the 17th century: v. To look foolishly or idly. #t. pp. glaikit adj. Stupid, foolish, thoughtless)

Race for Life 2009

2009-06-23T22:09:00.004+01:00

Nearly 6,000 women from Aberdeen city and shire ran or walked 5km to raise money for Cancer Research. And my mate Gwen was one of them!

I put a photo album on Facebook for my FB buddies, but am going to share some here for you all.

It was a sunny, hot day! I spoke to a wifie in Asda who was working at the coffee shop (Beach Asda) and she said she had done the race for the last 3 years and was annoyed cos this was the first year she hadn't gone and it was the first year it was sunny!! The beach esplanade was a sea of pink - pink t-shirts, pink wigs, pink butterfly wings, it was great! As you'll see!

I felt a little guilty just supporting, but am so inspired I have every intention of doing the race next year.

So many women, girls, babies in prams, dogs! Alot of people had notices on their backs saying who they were running for, it was wonderful. We couldn't get a shot of the girl who had put 'granny' in beads on her back. Sweet.

Well done to all, and right on to Original 106 for promoting it.

Rich Kids and their Cars

2009-06-16T23:28:00.008+01:00

This is a bit of pet-rant of mine, especially after a recent experience.

Undergraduates at Aberdeen University clearly have TOO MUCH money!
Students? Money? Howsat? I hear you cry. Well, I really don't know, unless they're up to something, or are just lower-upper-class and can't quite afford Oxbridge, but here's my evidence for the prosecution, m'lud...

ownership of posh cars that we never could have afforded 18 years ago!!
drinking in posh bars to the extent that we have no Union, cos it went oot o business since naebody wis using it!
being so damn arrogant they act like kids in nursery in class (I know cos I gave a lecture to SENIOR HONOURS students recently, and four of them behaved worse than the 16yr olds I used to teach at a certain FE instiution not a million miles from here)
girls wearing bling-y shoes

But mainly it's the cars that do it. When I was a first year student 18 years ago at Aberdeen, I owned a Citroen 2CV, a real 'student' car! NONE of my other friends who had come to study here had cars, so it was great to be needed as a sort of unofficial taxi service!! My car was second-hand, an F-reg pastel blue 'Deux Cheveaux' called Daisy (I'll upload a real photo later) which I loved.

Not my car, but same colour, same year

The car park was full of old cars, 1980s Ford Escorts, Cortinas, cheapo 2nd hand junkyard specials in 1991, but the other day I was passing behind my old student residence in Elphinstone Road and spotted the following parked there:

This is a 2007 3-door Honda Civic Type-S, which is still worth about £15,000. My 2CV cost alot less, a fraction of that!! The cheapest insurance I could find (for research purposes) for a student in their early 20s without a part-time job for this type of car is £1,300!! So, do tell me, where are you getting the money? Does it grow on trees? It must do, cos any student that can afford that must be up to something. If parents pay for this, then, more fool them for being so blooming indulgent with their offspring!!!

Now I love the new style Honda Civic and would kill to have one. I've been driving for 19 years and working for 14 yr, but I still can't afford something like that. I'm disgusted at the WASTE of money!!

We have a range of other large, petrol-guzzling cars here, Vauxhall Astra, Toyota, Vauxhall Corsa, Ford Fiesta...

Large Rover, the style I hate cos it pretends to be a Jag in its styling. HUM! How in 18 years could students have got rich?

Here are my theories:

There are more people from other countries with a higher standard of living and think our higher-end saloons are cheap
There are more indulgent parents around (doubt it with crunchy credit cereal!!)
There are ppl up to something not-quite-kosher which is why they have money
They have more credit cards than sense
Car sales are completely crazy and offering these cars cheaply second-hand
They're all nicked!!

How on EARTH can people come here supposedly to study and drive massive expensive cars with ridiculous insurance premiums which guzzle petrol when students are meant to love the planet, hate capitalism and all that jazz?

My conclusion, the 20th century stereotype died with the Millenium, and despite what's happening we've gone back to the 80s, greed is good and might is right! Oh! Some of those old hippies will be screaming at the injustice of it all!!

Of course, as I said, even coming back as a postgrad, I still drive a small car with low insurance premium cos it's cheap, fast and easy to look after, as well as easy to park. The 2CV was excellent to park, with its huge steering wheel resembling that of an old Routemaster bus!! I was given a real blast from the past when I saw the steering wheel in the white Jag Mark II that was brought along by its owner to the SNECC traffic reunion day on Saturday - same idea!

Big Bonnie pussycat - as used by the Fuzz in 1960s

It's a wonder the Top Gear guys have never tackled this subject, time they did!!

When I'm rich and famous I'm going to completely forget I said this, and be driving a Maserati or a Bugatti Veyron. ;->

Big, bad and beautiful, the 1000bhp Bugatti

Maserati Grand Tourism 2008 - who remembers the Interceptor?

Right, now I've got that off my chest I can go to sleep - I thank you!

Spaekin Shetlan' - 1 of an occasional series

2009-05-29T23:36:00.006+01:00

Just joined the 'Shetland Appreciation Society' on Facebook and nearly laughed my socks aff!

Wirsit Drawers

Baa baa moorit yowe,
Haes du ony oo?
I wid laek some wirsit drawers,
I tink at dy'd look cool!

Fair Isle eans fur granny,
Lacy eans fur mum,
An strippit eans fur me ta wear
Ta cover up me bum!

some 'worsit draaers' (worsted knickers)

Oh jings, this is great - the Shetland version of 'Baa baa Black Sheep'! Now ye canna accuse them o bein politically incorrect! That jist maks me laugh and naturally start screivin in Doric. Moorit is the Norn word for black of a sheep's fleece I think. I ken that 'cat-mowgit' is a speckled or Jacob's Sheep.

Ok, so the NE Scots Doric version of it would be -

Baa baa blaek yowie,
Hiv ye ony oo?
Aye mannie, aye mannie,
Twa-three pokies fu'

Ane for the dominie,
Ane for the wife,
An ane for the wee loon
At bides doon i' close!

Not bad, and using the verses from the original, but apparently nay, the words I'm referring to were printed in 1744 in Tom Thumb's Pretty Song Book the earliest existing publication of children's rhymes (knew I should have put this on the Folk Blog!!) and the rhyme is sung to a 1761 variant of a French tune!!

Good old Wikipedia provided the Swedish version, which the Shetlandic version top seems to have been more likely inspired by!!

Bää bää, vita lamm

Har du någon ull?

Ja, ja kära barn, jag har säcken full

Heldagsrock åt far,; och söndagskjol åt mor; Och två par strumpor åt lille, lillebror

Translation:

Baa, baa white lamb

Have you any wool?

Yes, yes dear child, I have the whole bag full

A holiday-robe for father,; and a Sunday-skirt for mother; And two pairs of socks for the little, little brother.

And it's a different coloured sheep!! The PC Brigade wid hae a fit!

Apparently it was some 18th century comment on the wool tax which lasted until the 16th century. Very strange. Out of the mouths of babes?!

Anyway, after that diversion, back to Shetland speech - I LOVE it. No person, English or Scots could listen to Shetlanders converse in dialect and say its a dialect of either! Ha ha! No, it owes its roots to Old Norse - which also inspired Icelandic and Faroese. Of course, there's a good dose of Scots in it too, which was a result of the influence not only of the Scots earls (more on them later), but the fishermen and fish curers from the mainland.

Here's a very shortened version of a story I got from an interviewee there:

The background is that a local ne'er-do-well, named Dodo (usually a short form of George) has been ill and his neighbour, a devoutly religious man, Davie, sees him in the street and enquires both after his physical and spiritual health:

Davie: "But dost du ken far du's gaan?"
Dodo: "Ah weel, am aright, far ivver I go, I'll hae plenty freens!"

Uh-huh! So long as he didn't bump into any trows, giants or giantesses!

More on this later.

Meh!

Adrenaline Junkies

2009-05-27T15:27:00.003+01:00

Get the cycle maniacs!!!

Sooo impressed - found on BBC broadcaster, Tom Morton's blog. How to 'do' Edinburgh on a bike, and nae a BMX either! You really won't believe the stunts these guys get up to til you see them yourself. Help me! I HAVE to use this in a story!

Bye bye Shetland

2009-05-10T18:02:00.002+01:00

All over! Boo hoo! But between last nite and this morning heard Shetland's best storytellers, Lawrence Tulloch, Davy Cooper (me new facebook friend) and Elma Johnson. Trowies, giants, groilicks and selkies, all populated my new mental landscape o the islands. Made a great many new contacts and got invites back, including 2 Unst by super-teach Kate Coutts, she has really got a great thing going with her Metasaga. I shall have 2 do one 2 promote it on the folkblog.

Papa Stour sword dance was a revelation, uncanny similarity 2 Northumbrian rapper-dance. vid coming up on the folkblog. Folklorists and cultural historians coming 2 blows abt the description of it in 1788, pity they had 2 do that b4 lunch! I bailed and was able 2 enjoy tattie wedges and fish goujons in the Shetland Museum cafe- aka Hays Dock restaurant. yum! Just had fab time, but now must visit Jarlshof and Scatness next time. Farewell for noo, isle o the sword-hilt!

This is the Shetland Bus memorial which we saw in Scalloway - reminder of Shetland's part in the intelligence service during WWII.

And this is the SAME car reg I saw in 2007 - surely it belongs to a Guizer Jarl! Very good! Seen in King Harald Street, Lerwick.

I adore Shetland!!

Holm sweet holm

2009-05-09T17:42:00.001+01:00

Presentation over, all good. Back 4 a rest b4 a nite o Shetland storytelling.

Il fait pleut - again!

2009-05-09T07:59:00.001+01:00

Conf. Day 2. My turn @11.30am. Just bn a sharp shower. Had lovely meal out last nite wi buddy Lynne at Lerwick Hotel. Yakking 2 Hazel fae Orkney aboot Up-Helly-Aa.

Proof sun shines in Shetland

2009-05-08T13:44:00.001+01:00

Lovely sunny and free o wind. Just bn 2 Shetland Fudge Co and then Andersons 2 get Fair Isle hat.

Conference day 1- lunch

2009-05-08T13:04:00.001+01:00

In the Peerie Shop 4 lunch. my fave place in Lerwick. The prize for the worlds dullest presentation has already bn won by a French economist. The next person 2 use statistical equations will b asked 2 leave by tradesmen's exit! Meh!

Conference day 1

2009-05-08T08:35:00.001+01:00

Sitting in the auditorium @Shetland Museum waiting 4 conference 2 start. Tech team- me and Gideon r all sorted.

Blown aff the face o the earth

2009-05-07T17:55:00.001+01:00

Eshaness, west mainland of Shetland. Stopped here 4 lunch. Wind now gale force. Guide says now u know why no Shetlanders hae dandruff! He is Laurence Tulloch, storyteller, o North Yell. just stopping at Tangwick Haa museum.

Wet and windy in Shetland

2009-05-07T09:50:00.002+01:00

Just been to Clickimin Iron Age broch. found out there are two other earlier sites fae our resident archaeologists. (They had a fight about it!) Very wet and windy. Fresh though! It was sunny right until we got on the tour bus - huh!!

Arrival

2009-05-07T07:21:00.002+01:00

Arriving in Lerwick, it is 7.20am and it's a beautiful sunny day!!

Nice cabin mates - and a lovely rocking sleep. I love boats!

Running awa 2 sea

2009-05-06T17:21:00.002+01:00

Leaving Aberdeen to go to Shetland on the boat - first time! Sunny night, all looks well for a smooth journey. Will attempt to blog the entire time away at the Islands Identity conference at the Lerwick Museum.

Food and Flowers at the International Market

2009-04-24T14:20:00.007+01:00

Fresh Veggies

Hooray! Today and tomorrow the international market is back in town!

Actually managed to get up before noon for a change and went to see if I could get some wooden flowers; the market has a stall from Holland that does them, and the same guys are there every year. My mum wanted some, so there it was, lovely wooden roses in all colours! Got some to match me bedroom too.

Wooden Roses

Then the Dutch Cheese guy made a joke that if I didn't have green flowers he would give me green cheese! (yes, you can get both there!) but I opted to buy smoked cheese instead. Blinkin cooncil peeps were hanging around checking people's scales etc - didn't think they needed six of them! What a cheek! What kind of welcome is that to these folk? Huh! Anyhoo, I was hungry, even though it was only 11am, so I got a crepe AND a roo-burger. Sat on the base of Rabbie's statue on Union Terrace and stuffed my face.

The Cheese Dude

Fans of the Aberdeen Tramps blog will be interested to hear that Ross, the homeless alkie mannie was standing there blethering with his fellow ootlins, wonder what they made of it all! I really wanted to laugh thinking that it was a great way for them to get free food! Shame, good job it is nice-ish weather.

So, left them - then went and bought MORE cheese from the Bexton Cheese ppl, tried sample of the Tomato and Basil, YUM! So two rounds of cheese, v bad considering I am supposed to be dieting again! All those ppl who gave me chocolates for my birthday, it's your fault! But I won't eat it all at once. They will go nice with my baked tatties.

Fresh Strawberries

The food stalls really are the best, some of the other stuff is not the greatest, though I was impressed by the Finland woollens stall, all the maist gorgeous Scandinavian jumpers and cardis you could wish for, as well as lots of cute furry toy huskies. And slippers! If there had been a price on the seal-fur slippers I would have had them! Good-oh! I was watching Ranulf Fiennes and two mad old journos do some sea-ice walking up at Baffin Island on the telly a few nights ago and though Ran-Dan-the-man just lives for snow and cold, one of his pals got frostbitten fingers in one day! I felt like mentioning that if they were wearing sealskin suits like the Inuit do, they would have nae problem. Ye never see or hear of THEM getting frostbite! Duh! When in Rome... or should I say, when in the Arctic, do as the Arctic folk do!

Finnish Furs

That done, I trailed all the way home again listening to the MP3 player - realising good tunes to get you walking quick are Chelsea Dagger and I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker (With Flowers In My Hair) (Fratellis and Sandi Thom of course). Long live the market, in the spirit of the Hanseatic traders of old!

Busy - no blogging time!

2009-04-06T16:53:00.003+01:00

Oddly enough, after writing about seeing Patrick Wight a month ago, I had a dream in which he featured last night! It was all about car crashes. WEIRD.

So, latest, had head buried in laptop and books, writing about Shetland, reading about Shetland, what a great place! Will be reporting back from there on the Folklore Blog once I give my paper at the 'Taking Shetland Out of the Box:Island Cultures and Shetland Identity' conference there in May.

There are a great many fantastic Norse tales connected with Shetland, and I think I'll pop back here later and tell you one.

Also, note I've added Twitter to the Blog sidebar. This was all because I got hooked on the whole Original 106 Fugitive game which our local radio station was running, and you could follow him and the clues on Twitter. So, once it was revealed who he was, fwoar, what a dish! And I bet he has a much nicer voice when he isn't talking through a voice modulator like he did when he kept phoning up annoying the DJs. It was such a good game and loads of folk managed to win money. Am inspired! To write some fiction with an annoyingly charming criminal...

Dunno who the arm ornaments are, but dig the velvet smoking jacket, and the fetching flat cap, num num, man about town! Yoiks, what a hunk! Ye would struggle to want to arrest that! Mm mm! They'll need to get someone else if they play it again. He's far too cute to be forgotten!!

Right, that was just a random set of blethers, must go and do something constructive... toodle-pip!

Spotted! Patrice - Hairdresser to the Stars!!

2009-03-12T02:17:00.005Z

Weel, it wis his alter ego Patrick Wight, really, waakin up Union St, in civvies, lookin affa shifty! Maybe he's got a van roon the corner full o bodies!!

Wisna my fault, officer, honestly, they jist kept dying on ma!

Patrick Wight as Andy in One Day Removals

Yes, I saw Patrick Wight, star of Stirton Productions' The Planet and One Day Removals. The latter had a glittering launch at the Glasgow Film Fest in February and was sold out. It is the most hilarious film ever, yet has a few gentler moments where you totally sympathise with the hapless pair, Andy and Ronnie, the removal men - and yes, the silvery haired Aberdonian was lookin a bit hmm, maybe he wondered why a strange quine was lookin at him! Well, it was cos I recognised ye, min!

He was walking past the Peenj shoppie about 11.45am on 11th March, which was MY BIRTHDAY. I took that as a good omen.

If you don't already know about the best Doric black comedy in years, go to director, Mark Stirton's blog and order yourself a DVD, especially if you are from the Granite City yourself, ye'll get it - Glaswegians and Edinburgh peeps be warned, Andy doesn't have a kind word to say about either city!! ;->

Fidler's Castle

2009-02-11T23:30:00.008Z

On the Fiddle - Linda and Robert Fidler

If anyone saw 'Homes from Hell' on ITV1 tonight they would have been tickled by the genius of Robert Fidler, a Surrey farmer who decided he was going to build a castle fit for his princess, his wife Linda.

An Englishman's Home is His Castle!!

The canny man who dealt in straw bales stuck two grain silos on his own land and built up a cover of bales to cover his secret building work as he had already had little success getting planning permission for leisure facilities at the farm. Deciding to put two fingers up to authority and take advantage of a legal loophole that said a property cannot be demolished if built without permission if there are no complaints after four years, Robert hid the building work under the bales! Aided and abetted by his elder sons, he carried on the work for two years in secret!

Masterpiece under wraps

Even when the rates inspector gave him a bit of a heads up by telling him she'd heard rumours of his hidden castle, he just laughed it off. Four years after the build was finished they revealed the castle to the surprise of their neighbours! Seeing it on the telly, he's made a great job of it, its as good as anything you'd get on Grand Designs. And how strange that last week's episode of that showed a poor man who suffered at the hands of a nasty neighbour who complained about his fantasy millhouse - they said it was too high, and the guy had not got properly written permission. He took TWO YEARS to get it approved and didn't really want to live in it after that. Robert Fidler has faced the wrath of the local council himself for two years - he's been told his lovely, innovative pile has to come down - he accused the council of being vandals - now last month he was told he could take his case to the High Court.

Right - now, Robert isn't a Traveller, (but he must have a bit of Traveller wit about him!) he hasn't built an illegal unsightly camp, he hasn't murdered anybody, he isn't dealing drugs, he isn't molesting children, and he isn't running a brothel! He's a happily married man with children, who wanted to provide the best home possible for his wife and family. So why, oh why does the council have to hound him? You would think he was a serial killer the way he is being treated! He isn't the first and he won't be the last to pull a stunt like that - there was a mannie here in Aberdeenshire who was told to tear down a castle he built from a ruin a few years back - I think he ended up having to make substantial changes to get it accepted, but hell, what is the problem?

Ok - the cooncil's complaint was that Robert built on green belt land. But he's a FARMER, it is HIS land, since when did people hold such a fuss? The land had been designated that decades previously before house developers had added many other buildings to the landscape, 'Fidler's Castle' is a great thing, it shows the old spirit of English innovation that Jezza Clarkson aye praises in his column. And HE is always the one saying we should have a national fund for building follies and things to celebrate being British. I can't understand WHY authority agencies are ALWAYS chasing people who are not criminals, they maybe a bit wayhey, dodgy, but they are the good old-fashioned rogues that our romantic heroes of the past were based on. This United Kingdom has utterly nowt to be proud of right now, so when someone comes along who truly believes in his country and his right to make a home for himself, what do they do? They try and smash his idealism!

What a rotten old country this is!! Leave the castle where it is! The real psychopaths are still out there - as one of the other stories on the show explained - the luantic digger driver who destroyed his landlord's house, their cars and a police car because he accused them of ripping him off - the poor couple who have no house and are still deeply traumatised by his behaviour are terrified he will come back again. He should have been sectioned and locked up in a state hospital!!! He is a certifiable lunatic who did not care whether he killed them, officers of the law or anyone else who got in his way. Now THAT's the sort of people who should be pursued to the uttermost, locked up or at worst, executed. I know I'm getting a bit Old Testament, but the punishment ought to fit the crime.

Robert Fidler's only crime is to take a risk in building a house! He is also an affable, chirpy character who really does not seem to mean harm to anyone, not like the nut with the digger or the crazy man who lives in the same street as a friend of mine - he built a huge extension in his back garden blocking out the light and threatened anyone and everyone who came to complain. He threated to punch my mate just for asking him to move his van! It's the nutters of this world that need locked up, not the innovators - why did they ever close the asylums? There is such a thing as a criminal personality, and at risk of sounding Victorian, THEY are the ones who need to be put away forever, not the genuinely mentally ill who do not mean harm to others.

Enough wishy-washy picking fights you think you can win you quangos, tackle some REAL issues for a change! Why can you allow people to abuse their children to the point of murder and not intervene, yet you can force someone to knock down a house just cos you don't like where they put it! Time to re-prioritise you lot - Reigate and Banstead Council I mean!!!

Robert, more power to yer elbow, man, and I hope you win!!!

People shouldn't be afraid of their governments, Governments should be afraid of their people...!!!

Memories of the Blue Toon

2009-02-11T22:39:00.003Z

My cousin Mike has just set up a new discussion board to blether aboot the days lang syne in Peterhead, the Blue Toon!

http://excoboard.com/exco/index.php?boardid=22129

So - calling all Blue Mogganers, register for the board and have a claik.

I'll be back later to tell you about why Peterhead folk are called Blue Mogganers - its very similar to the Boddam Monkey story... it involved a wrecking!

Woolies No More

2009-01-17T17:55:00.009Z

Wooly the Sheep & Worth the Dog - 1990s-2000s store mascots

Who would have thought it? That by the beginning of 2009, the store founded by American Frank Winfield Woolworth in 1911 would be gone - dead - an ex-shop - allowed to go down the plughole of recession with a dozen other famous stores (Including The Pier, USC, MFI, and most recently that local bakery chain).

Bon Accord Centre - Dec 2008, getting the bargains as all stock goes at 50% off

We all loved Woolies; in every major city and town in the UK there was a Woolworth store. Aberdeen's Woolies had a central place in Union St, where McDonalds burger bar is today, up to the 1990s when the Bon-Accord Centre gave it a home in George St. Union St Woolies had a distinctive smell according to older friends of mine, a sort of disinfected vinyl smell. I remember when was still at primary school - on a summer Saturday, going into town with my cousins, my brother, my mum and auntie before going to Codona's funfair in the afternoon.

Woolies was the port of call for the Pick'n'Mix. I could write sonnets about Woolies' pick and mix! My all-time favourite was the fudge with the yellow and purple wrapper - they were YUM! Next were Kola-Bottles - though the plain ones, not those with the nippy sour sugar coating! Then mushrooms, pink and white foamy sweets which you can still get today, but they ain't half as good! Flumps were another foam sweetie! You could aye get 'sweet fags' - and pretend to smoke! Some shops had the sports mini mixes - like wine gums but harder sweeties in the shape of tennis racquets, footballs, baseball bats etc.

Up on the mezzanine floor was all the gardening stuff, the pots and pans etc. I only ever went up there if I was bored.

One wall empty already, and its not even Christmas yet!

Peterhead Woolies was another thing entirely - I probably got all my school blouses from there from age 5 up to 9! Ladybird children's clothes was another brand that Woolies was famous for. Generations of bairns would have had school shirts, shorts, skirts, socks, shoes, 'gymmies', and the like. You could also get your stationery there - and fancy pencil cases were the order of the day! On the last day of opening in PD just after Boxing Day, I got a Coca-Cola can style pencil case in that tradition. Pens, pencils, rubbers, rulers, folders, notepads, gee, how many A4 narrow ruled pads did I go through at uni the first time round for taking notes in lectures? Probably as many as I've gone through this time writing transcripts for PhD interviews! An A4 lined pad was one of my other final purchases on PD's last day.

Five Days to go in Petehead's Marischal St, the lights are all ablaze

Music was another important feature of the Woolies shops - they sold the chart singles in the days of vinyl, as well as a huge range of albums. I bought my first EVER single there, The Flying Pickets - Only You, which I sadly no longer have on vinyl, but do have a CD version. First ever vinyl album bought there, David Cassidy - Romance, first tape album, Duran Duran - Arena, the live 1980s album. I also bought one of my fave vinyl albums in PD Woolies, on my 16th Birthday, Deacon Blue's 'Raintown', the one which has the Glasgow Mitchell Library on the back.

On Saturdays we would go down to Woolies and see if they had whatever chart singles we were after - if they were sold out, you had to run around the corner to Queen St to Yules, the only other competition for Woolies at the time, apart from John Menzies, for music, and Yules was and still is a music shop - though it doesn't sell music now, it sells music books and some instruments. I remember asking for the singles by their chart position to save asking for the song name - as it was likely the older assistants in Yules wouldn't know!

Woolies was the best shop - as it changed and got more trendy, there were always cheap household things to buy - great when I became a student. Other Woolies stores I remember being particularly fascinating - mainly because they had a slight regional twist - were St Andrews, Kirkcaldy, Fraserburgh, Thurso, and Stornoway - those of you who follow Aktoman's blog will recall him lamenting the death of the best Woolies in the West - Stornoway Woolies sold EVERYTHING. And I'm nae joking, you could buy things there that you couldn't get in a mainland Woolies - it was the hub of the community!

Everyone complains - but no-one did anything to help! The Poundlands, Ninety-nine Pence stores and the like all copied Frank Woolworth's original idea of a discount store and we all were seduced away from our original store. The rich people of the UK could have EASILY bailed it out, that was Tom Hunter bought up one of the USC stores, I mean, jings, even the stores in the remote areas they could've kept!!

It is typical of the stupid and ignorant Westminster Government that they could throw money at banks, - I mean, who cares, banks can aye amalgamate, but the best and nicest shop we had has now gone forever because they were too mean to care, too mean to salvage something that actually was used by the public!! Huh! We're all doomed right enough!

The Blue Toun's Woolies on its last day - folk are still filling up their bags

That last day in the PD Woolies, I stood in the queue and watched the 'vultures' - old and young buying up anything and everything probably to sell on eBay. I went in for nostalgia's sake - I got paper, a pencil case, a CD of 70s prog rockers Yes and heel grips, as well as two multicoloured pens with the multi-tips. I bought those things cos I wanted them, not cos I wanted to grab aathing off the shelves!! Gad, that was horrible, it was like watching the hounds pull the fox to bits - but well done to the poor employees who were being cheerful up to the end, and starting to give away things like plastic covers for Nintendo consoles, and sweeties.

The doors closed on an institution, and we are the poorer for its loss.

'It's closed, pal, for good!'

Vox Populi, Vox Dei

2009-01-09T18:12:00.003Z

The Voice of the People is the Voice of God... how I wish that were true! In that governments and rulers should listen to the people they lead and view that voice as sacred! V for Vendetta quoted the words 'People should not be afraid of their governments, Governments should be afraid of their people!'

Politicians and the like are treating us all very much as Charles I of Britain did, and look what happened to him, then look what happened afterwards, Cromwell was just a dictator in common clothes! At the risk of this post descending into a string of cliches, power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely!

So, it's about high time we all stopped being so lethargic and had our say. A few months ago I ranted about Sir Ian Wood's insane ideas to dig up Union Terrace Gardens. I fully supported Peacock Visual Arts in their plans to create a wonderfully integrated arts centre in the gardens, and now, Ellie Rothnie, their main woman has written to say there is an opportunity for all Peacock's supporters and opponents of Ian Wood to have their say!!!

This is what Ellie says in an open letter to everyone:

As part of the public consultation for Sir Ian Wood's proposal to cover over Union Terrace Gardens, ACSEF are hosting a website where you can feed in your comments.The comments submitted will play an important part in deciding the future of Union Terrace Gardens and Aberdeen's city centre. It's very straight forward and should take no time at all. Please do tell anyone and everyone you think might care about the future of our city. This is the one real opportunity the public will have to have their views taken into account.

The link for this feedback page is http://acsef.co.uk/Pages/Feedback.aspx

So, I encourage all you sensible city folk, artists, historians and the like to support Ellie and her team by making your views about the preposterousness of Ian Wood's plans known to the council!

New Arts Centre - sleek and glorious, like Frank Lloyd Wright's Fallingwater! Wouldn't you rather have that to look at than a brick wall supporting heaps of earth?

You can write to Ellie via the Peacock Website with messages of support also.

Eartha Kitt 1927 - 2008 RIP

2008-12-26T13:47:00.002Z

Sadly, our favourite Catwoman passed away on Christmas Day.

It's a bit spooky after I raved about her wonderful singing and characterisations a few days back. Spookier still, Suzanne Shaw used Santa Baby as her accompanying music on the Xmas Special of Dancing On Ice on ITV1 last night.

So - to the original 'Cat's Meeow', sweet dreams and may your paradise be purrrrfect!

You're gonna need an ocean... of calamine lotion!

2008-12-23T16:56:00.005Z

She comes on like a rose but everybody knows

She'll get you in Dutch

You can look but you better not touch

Poison iv-y-y-y-y, poison iv-y-y-y-y

Late at night while you're sleepin' poison ivy comes a'creepin'

Arou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ound

She's pretty as a daisy but look out man she's crazy

She'll really do you in

If you let her under your skin

Poison iv-y-y-y-y, poison iv-y-y-y-y

Late at night while you're sleepin' poison ivy comes a'creepin'

Arou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ound

Measles make you bumpy

And mumps'll make you lumpy

And chicken pox'll make you jump and twitch

A common cold'll fool ya

And whooping cough can cool ya

But poison ivy, Lord'll make you itch!!

So sang the Coasters in 1959! Poison Ivy was also a DC Comics super-villainess aka Dr Pam Isley who was rendered immune to all toxins and poisons and turned into the ultimate eco-warrior.

What has this to do with the price of eggs? I hear you cry! Well, cos I made a joke yesterday to a mate on email enquiring about my health, as I've been flat out with lurgi since Friday - one symptom of my 'orrible illness is a red, itchy allergic rash. As the song lyrics say, I've been scratching like a hound alright! Hell's bells, I woke up on Sunday - two days after being ill to start having a vicious red rash which had the outline of my pj's! Weird! Whenever I eat now, it gets itchy. (better explain, the lurgi was food poisoning, so I'm not really eating properly at all after heaving my guts up several times on Friday last)

I joked to my well-wisher that I had turned into Poison Ivy! I vaguely remembered her from the days I used to watch the Batman cartoons, and also that she, like me, is a redhead! Imagine my surprise to find these fabulous drawings of the Titian-haired Amazon who is this particular bad girl! After raving about Eartha Kitt's brilliant song I wanna be evil, I didn't even realise I'd made another connection to Batman! Of course, the TV Poison Ivy wasn't as good as the cartoon one! She's actually a very relevant character today - but then she wouldn't be a villain. Eco-'terrorism', if there can be such a term, is a bit nihilistic if you ask me - you wanna save the planet, then look after it!

So, the only thing that helps the rash, well, nowt really, but the cold, biting, north wind! Gah. It's rubbish being ill at Xmas! Anyway, feeling generally hum-bug after the nonsense with Strictly (apparently they've screwed up the Christmas Special as well!!), I was dee-lited (a la Craig RH) to hear that one of Poison Ivy's powers was a deadly poisonous kiss!!! Hooray! Mind you, there is a slight flaw in that, you'd need a good-looking villain to snog, but then you maybe wouldn't want to kill him! Depends, from what I read about the DC Comics anti-heroines, insanity and bipolar personality disorders are par for the course! So you'd need to be off your head to snog to death the man you hate most...

Guess what an old friend told me on another email? My very first boyfriend from uni, the first one to two-time me, lie about it and dump me before I found out, left a message on his Friends Reunited page. Heh heh heh.... revenge is a dish best served COLD!

Strictly Champion!

2008-12-21T18:11:00.003Z

Well, he did it! despite all the nonsense of vote-rigging by judges, prejudice, nasty comments and very bad dancing from John Sergeant that caused the whole screw up in the first place, Tom Chambers was voted the people's favourite for Strictly Come Dancing 2008.

The presenters had to admit that Tom had won the public vote the previous week, meaning that he was the favourite - the bookies obviously knew! Then the judges tried the same tricks as last week - even giving Rachel perfect scores which she didn't deserve, and sneakily making Lisa one less point - I think they even waxed the floor to cause Tom to fall in his quickstep in part one of the final! It was such a bloomin shambles, until the show dance - and both Tom and Camilla knew that theirs would get the public's seal of approval, harking back to the best of Hollywood and Broadway dance routines, with something for every generation. Camilla more than anything deserved to beat her two-timing ex, Brendan, who must have been red in the face seeing evil Natasha that he dumped her for in series one! I was never so pleased in all my life!

We the public showed the judges that WE rule, Vox Populi, Vox Dei, they used to say in Rome at the Collosieum, just before condeming the gladiators to death... so the judges got thrown to the lions, utterly unable to not praise Tom's fantastic skills as a true dancer, a man who loves it just like in Billy Elliot.

And hooray for our blonde beauty, Camilla, away from her family and new man, was in tears of delight at finally getting hard-wrung praise from super-cynic Craig Revel-Horwood. As the demon of dance said - fab-you-lus! Her cute, Ginger Rodgers' inspired culottes and beaded waistband wouldn't have looked out of place in any 1950s movie. Tom's 'Bugsy Malone' black and white shoes were just fab - he's surely discovered his lucky pair!

Strictly Sweethearts - Tom and Clare

So, at last, all over, am never, never getting so hung up on a programme ever again! Can we get some perspective, people? It's a dance and personality competition, not a matter of life or death, ok?

Catwoman

2008-12-17T00:17:00.005Z

...in the ORIGINAL Batman she was played by Eartha Kitt, and I've just had a revelation on YouTube, what a bloomin fantastic singer she was!!!

Oh I knew she sung Santa Baby, and I wasn't surprised to hear she'd sung Old-Fashioned Millionaire, but gee whizz, jings crivvens, this is the absolute best song I've heard all year! Stand back Amy, Duffy, Sandi, and take some notes, this is how to be the It girl...

Superb! And it's always more fun playing the bad girl!!

Lyrics:

I've posed for pictures with Iv'ry Soap,

I've petted stray dogs, and shied clear of dope

My smile is brilliant, my glance is tender

But I'm noted most for my unspoiled gender

I've been made Miss Reingold, though I never touch beer,

And I'm the person to whom they say, "You're sweet, My Dear."

The only etchings I've seen have been behind glass,

And the closest I've been to a bar, is at ballet class.

Prim and proper, the girl who's never been cased,

I'm tired of being pure and not chased.

Like something that seeks its level

I wanna go to the devil.

I wanna be evil, I wanna spit tacks

I wanna be evil, and cheat at jacks

I wanna be wicked, I wanna tell lies

I wanna be mean, and throw mud pies

I want to wake up in the morning

With that dark brown taste

I want to see some dissipation in my face

I wanna be evil, I wanna be mad

But more that that I wanna be bad

I wanna be evil, and trump an ace,

Just to see my partner's face.

I wanna be nasty, I wanna be cruel

I wanna be daring, I wanna shoot pool

And in the theatre I want to change my seat

Just so I can step on everybody's feet
I wanna be evil, I wanna hurt flies

I wanna sing songs like the guy who cries

I wanna be horrid, I wanna drink booze

And whatever I've got I'm eager to lose
I wanna be evil, little evil me

Just as mean and evil as I can be!

Let's hear it for villainesses!

The Best Thing to Come Out of Derby Since the Ram

2008-12-10T22:59:00.004Z

Yes, and that's Tom Chambers! Aka the sexy but vulnerable Sam Strachan from BBC's Holby City, the spin-off from Casualty (which I never watched, incidentally!!), Tom is a gorgeous, dark-haired, blue-eyed country lad fae the Derwentside village of Darley Dale, who is dancing up a storm on Strictly 6. After my disappointment at Andrew Castle not being able to dance and getting voted off earlier than he should cos of the nonsense with John Sergeant, (who really really couldn't dance!! At least Andrew tried!!) I kinda fell for Tom when I saw what a nice boy he was too!

His pro partner, Camilla Dallerup is my favourite of the professionals, she's so nice, she doesn't fancy herself like some people (e.g. Erin) and she was James Martin's partner, taking him to the final!

We love the pair of them, like brother and sister! Tom was all doe-eyed after his wedding to childhood-sweetheart Claire, who bravely put back the ceremony a day just to allow him to perform on the show, and we loved that too! It's easy to like nice, approachable stars, and for the character Tom plays as Sam, he's soooo unlike the womanising doc who came a cropper with fellow medic, the evil, manipulative Connie!

Tom also endeared himself to me and everyone else because he truly loves dancing, he really is Billy Elliot, as he said when they did that fab dance to A Town Like Malice, the Jam's superb urban anthem, which was part of that film's soundtrack. (Oh, and the lucious Jamie Draven was in that too - currently starring in the re-run of Ultimate Force on ITV3) We like men who like to dance, and he's jist the hen's teeth!

what Tom is doing with the sword I have nae idea!! Captions plz!

Please, let's stop all the nonsense with these weepy girlies, I personally cannot stick Rachel or Lisa, it's time to get rid, so gals, get out your phones and vote Tom and Camilla into the final this Saturday!! We cannot have an all-female final, cos they do not have to work as hard as the boys!! Don't let me down!

Also, why are there hardly any pics of Tom online? Come on publicity peeps, rectify this slight please!!

I think Tom's so cool I instantly cast him in my latest story... now that's a sign!

No More Developments!!!

2008-11-11T23:42:00.004Z

I was livid when I heard the news tonight - Aberdeen's answer to Donald Trump, without silly hair, Sir Ian Wood of the Wood Group has decided he wants to jump on the development bandwagon when he announced he wants to ruin Union Terrace Gardens - see here. Now it involves raising the level of the gardens to street level to build a 'city square'!!!

Ok - here it is folks, Union Terrace Gardens is built on the glacial meltwater valley of the Denburn. The river used to flow openly along a stone-banked channel, in earlier days it had been grassy banks that were used as bleachgreens, but the Denburn was the city's main water source. There was a little wood where a spring well was - the wood was called the Corbie Haugh (Crow's Copse) and the well was the Corbie Well, and the gardens were opened in 1879. The 200-yr old elms, the remnants of the Corbie Ha' are still there today, and he, knight of the realm, wants to knock it all down and concrete it over!!! Is he off his head??

AND Sir Ian's plan will screw the Peacock Visual Arts over - cos they already had planning permission for a fantastic new art & design centre which would have nestled nicely into the old arches at the Union Terrace side of the park.

This is the artist's impression of their new development

I mean, that's lovely! And that man would have a pile of black earth instead!!

ALSO, the railway and Denburn Road runs through the valley, so where's the muck going to go? He'd have to build vaults like they did to build Union St in 1801, which would plunge the rear of Belmont Street into darkness - about three bars overlook the road and into the park. What the hell is he on?

Peacock issued a statement on their website today to say that Ian Wood's ideas would basically ruin their business. Has the man got 1. no brains, 2. no feelings? I was also gobsmacked to see Alex Salmond sooking up to him and saying it was great - RUBBISH!!! It is ecological VANDALISM!! Don't you DARE!!

So, calling all artists, citizens of Aberdeen - tell Ian Wood he could use his money in far better ways! £50M would fix the poor old Triple Kirks spire which has been waiting for years to be turned back into a building - it's the second highest church spire in Britain, second only to Salisbury Catherdral; He could re-open E&Ms; he could re-open the Ice Rink - jings man, if you want to HELP our city, then pay to reinstate the services that this completely incompetent council have shut because they can't handle money!

It's pretty bad this coming from a son of Aberdeen, that he wants to destroy the historic beauty of the gardens, and forget all the background that goes with it! Mary Slessor the missionary lived just opposite the Denburn area - many other stories are connected to the gardens, so if you really care about this city, Sir Ian, Leave the Gardens ALONE!!!!

Witches and Warlocks

2008-11-11T23:21:00.003Z

As promised, more photos - I utterly love this picture of me, not that I think I'm an oil painting normally, but dressed as a witch in a Morticia Adams' wig, I thought, ooh, I've become someone else!!

Pauline and 'The Boy' did their bit for the season with their 'Fright Family' shot...

And our special guest at the storytelling night was...

Yes, it's the Stig from Top Gear!!! ;->

Actually it was 'The Boy' being the Invisible Man, but he did the silent mysterious racing driver so well ... until he started giggling! That rather spoiled the effect.

I was tired writing this - I'll come back later with one of the stories from the night...

Wot I did at Halloween

2008-11-04T18:31:00.002Z

... I made soup, and a lantern. So what does that tell you?

I totally contradicted myself!! Yes, I know I said you should make your Halloween lanterns out of neeps, cos Pauline ranted about it on her own blog - but even she was agreeing on Friday that she thought PUMPKINS are easier to carve!

Look at what you can get with one...

One leering Jack-o-Lantern with vampire teeth! Most excellent!

And that pumpkin produced the above gorgeous soup from Valentine Warner on the BBC cooking show What to Eat Now. Here is the recipe

The thing that makes the soup is the excessive amount of butter - yum! But it's too naughty, I would say you could do it with creme fraiche instead. That soup kept me going for four days!! So I totally recommend Warner's recipe - it works! But remember to get a BIG SPOON to scrape out the innards of the pumpkin. The lantern only lasted a day longer than the soup, but that's what happens with organic lanterns!

And we had these amazingly cute biccies at Archaeolink on Friday - I think they came from Sainsbury's. Thanks Miriam for bringing them!

Aww - a smiling wee ghostie, a bat and a pumpkin heid!

Other highlights were Meeting Lord Nelson at Butterywells where the Doric songster Eric Whyte made us all laugh our heads off at his very alternative take on this naval legend. I can still hear him saying 'And Nelson lost an ee at Trafalgar, his ee was blown oot o his heid!' You had to be there!

More later including fotos...

Halloween Stories

2008-10-15T00:18:00.006+01:00

Must advertise the Grampian Association of Storytellers' meeting at Archaeolink on 31 October, All Hallows' Eve. (mainly cos I'm chairing, but still, worth it!)

Gather 'in the round', though not the round house! We will be meeting in the theatre at the Aberdeenshire Prehistory Park, Oyne, near Insch, at 7.30pm - entry is £3.00 which goes to fund more storytelling events, and your fine pieces and flycup! There will be three other GAS regulars there, supporting the telling of spooky stories for all ages.

I for one am using this as a great excuse to dress up as a Goth princess. Never have dressed up for Halloween since I was in primary school, and that was when we were told to make a costume out of a black bin-liner! The last time I dressed up was for the Student Charities' Parade as Dick Turpin, which was great! I have bought a black strapless dress with taffetta petticoat, I'll wear my lace shawl (black of course!), I have a black wig with a white streak a la Morticia Adams, green glittery eye-liner, white face paint (of course, you can't be a goth without a white face!) and black nail polish. Swithering whether to wear the high-heeled boots or just high-heeled shoes. Cannot wait!

So, do come - dress-up is optional, but encouraged!

Oh, and if you're bringing a home-made lantern, it better be made from a neep!

Recently, fellow blogger and storyteller, Pauline Cordiner complained we were being over-run by American Commercialism at Halloween, which is of course the Celtic festival of Samhain. And how did this manifest itself? With the replacement of our lovely neep lanterns with PUMPKINS!! Pauline's post is hilarious - have a read

And of course, you may see Nanny Ogg or any of the other Wyrd Sisters flying on their brooms on All Hallows' Eve!

This really does the Pratchett-style witches perfectly!

A blessed Samhain to you all when it comes...

Twinkle toes

2008-10-06T10:58:00.004+01:00

Yes, it's that time of year again - Strictly Come Dancing is back on the telly. I wasn't going to bother until I found my favourite GMTV dish Andrew Castle on it!! Och, but somebody PLEASE tell him to straighten up! I ken he's 6ft 5in, but that is nae excuse to dance badly!

It really annoys me when folk I fancy on TV look absolutely useless out of their comfort zones! Take Gary Rhodes, the most arrogant, annoying of TV chefs, he was booted out of the competition this week and no wonder, he canna dance for toffee, really! At least Andrew has a sense of rhythm, but Gary, jings! I have never seen him looking so sorry for himself. But since Andrew is up against the oh-so-cute muscle-armed Austin Healey the rugby player, who is a bloomin brilliant dancer, he better get sorted!

Austin Healey - the man named after a car!

Austin's bean-pole rugby mate who was on the show on Sunday described him as a 'gobby little scrum-half'! He is also known as The Leicester Lip for his cheeky banter. Hee hee! But please, can we prove that not everyone on GMTV has two left feet (Ms Phillips and Ms Garraway!! need I say more?)

So, Andrew Castle, fantastic tennis player, sports and telly presenter, tall, blonde, green-eyed, - married - huh! - he has gotta get better!

It's just like James Martin all over again, who was terrible to start with, and then ended up third in the series he was on, oddly, beaten by another rugby player! If they ever put ceilidh dance into the comp, I would be right there to teach our Andrew a step or two! Och, he's just such a doll, but why can't he dance properly? Ola Jordan, his stunning dance-partner really needs to recognise he has issues about his height. I had a mate who was that tall too, and he was aye stooping over! Tall men, get it straight, get the broomhandle down yer back and stand up!! Gah! I hope for better with the ballroom dancing - think the guys might have a waltz to do in two wks' time. James Martin was wonderful at that, so he better give his ITV buddy a call with some advice. For once, I really had to agree with the judges this time, nearly all, apart from Austin and the bloke fae Casualty could hardly be described as twinkle-toed, mair like flat-footed! I despair! And the quines aren't much better.

He's so gorgeous, he did his bit for British tennis, yet has no confidence on the dancefloor, it's awffy!

If they all want to come up to Aberdeen, there's a few folk will teach them ceilidh and step dance - Lorna McLaren & Pat Ballantyne for two - a little plug here for Pat's band 'Youse Dancin' who so ably showed off their fancy feet at our concert party on Saturday. Let's have Strictly Ceilidh and we'll all show you a thing or two!! (And can we have some Scots in the comp next year? Apparently dance judge Arlene wants David Tennant (aka Dr Who) to have a go! That would be fun since 'Captain Jack'/ John Barrowman has already been on the Dancing on Ice thingie on Grampian - they were really unfair to him, since he really can dance. Beam up Captain Jack, Andrew, he'll show you the moves!

I like I Like...

2008-10-02T16:27:00.003+01:00

...Annie from Glasgow's blog/website http://www.ilike.org.uk/index.html is six today - happy birthday!

I only discovered it recently and turns out we share some interests, like sweetie shops, interesting signs, and places! I thought I'd post some of my similar pix as a wee tribute to the birthday girl.

This is one of the beach shelters along at Fittie. I particularly liked the shot because of the single cloud in the bright blue sky - Annie's photo is a slightly different view, and her commentators seemed to think it was a beach hut for hobbits!

Then we went to the sweet shops...she to the Moffat Toffee Shop - and me to Gordon & Durwards in Crieff. Turns out Annie had been there as well... I got a love email from the folk at the shop saying that I should come in next time and tell them it was my blog that featured them, so hopefully I will get some sweeties! Sadly, last time I was in Crieff, it was evening and the place was closed!!!

We also both like Stracathro Services near Brechin!

As does You-Tube king, BradThunder, who had a blether about the merits of bacon sarnies at the Horn, another 1960s time-warp roadside caff, which is brilliant! (aye, the caff and Gary's vids - esp. the Scottish Phraseology Challenge, which I blogged about before)

and as well as wishing Ilike a happy birthday, I now discover I have to wish Gary & Anne (That's YouTube Anne) congrats on their recent marriage! Awwww!

Ray Mears in the wilds of... Aberdeen!

2008-09-28T12:28:00.003+01:00

Yay! The bush-skills survival expert is coming to our toun! Tuesday 14 October, Ray Mears is giving a talk at the Aberdeen Music Hall. Should be great fun. I read recently about the Bear Grylls vs Ray Mears thing online, but really, Ray's just sensible whereas Bear is a total lunatic. Ray is your Boy's Own Adventure man, he's substantially built, he wouldn't get feart, he would never be so stupid as Horse Whisperer author Nick Evans who landed himself in ARI after eating poisonous mushrooms on an estate in Aberdeenshire, and if you fell and hurt yourself in the jungle, Ray could carry you out!

I mean, yeah, Grylls is lithe and insane, but I'd be happier if Ray gave me a fireman's lift! ;-)

Let's see... born 1964, in the area of the English South Downs and founded Woodlore which specialised in bushcraft and wilderness survival. He has his own website extoling the virtues of the ancient skills of the hunter-gatherers. As a folklorist myself and storyteller, I applaud how he's tried to bring orally-transmitted skills to us. The bushmen of the Kalahari, for instance, took him hunting, and showed him how to gather snacks on the way!! a monitor lizard no less, was pulled out of a tree trunk and they dispatched it for their flycup!!

Eeewww! As my grandfather says when we tell him we've eaten something fairly exotic, like sweet and sour chicken, 'I widna dine wi ye!' Mind you, I suppose like most things, the lizard would taste like chicken!! If I was hungry enough I probably would.

And, making fires, that's just great - I have seen it done, but it was a girl who was interested in Iron Age crafts and skills, something Ray probably knows plenty about. So if girls can do it, then why not? I also get the feeling Ray isn't too much of a chauvinist, but mind you, he did comment about women bickering when he was making baskets with these African women somewhere. But as far as I ken he's a single male, so he's probably nae used to it! ;-)

Here's what he says:

Bushcraft liberates and empowers. It re-acquaints man with nature and his roots and provides an escape from the shackles of modern life. Bushcraft is about being practical and resourceful. Rather than teach ten things I prefer to teach one which can be put to use in a wide variety of environments.

Right on, bro!

Back on the (becycle) chain gang...

2008-09-27T19:52:00.006+01:00

Last Easter, some very enterprising students set up a bike library at Aberdeen University called Becycle. I gave them coverage on the blog and since I have and love my own bike I thought it would be great to learn how to fix it too!

So, a wee experiential story to promote this ... very good way to spend your time of a Wednesday or Saturday afternoon...

On Wednesday I went along to the Becycle Shed (G34 Don St, Old Aberdeen) to find a crowd of folk wanting to borrow bikes, and organisers, Hannah and Daniel tearing their hair out since there weren't enough fixed bikes to go around! So it was get-stuck-in-time, and after being shown what to do last Saturday to fix my own brake wire, I was queen of the new brakes!

A German student and I tackled two bikes - we replaced the brake blocks on the front of one, and tightened the rear brakes; we then replaced a handlebar - with Dan almost introducing the 'Top Gear School of Engineering' as he wielded a hammer to try and clamp the handlebar stem back onto the new-ish handlebar, cos we'd had to force it apart with a screwdriver - but he resisted and went for an adjustable pliers instead; I taped up the torn saddle and though we didn't have a new pedal for it, it was SUCH a great feeling of achievement!

I have to say, I sustained several injuries in the course of this bike maintenance, I scraped my knuckles, I also fell off one bike since it was too tall for me to ride and have a lovely bright red bruised and scraped knee! Mind you, knowing how I got it I was quite proud of it. Nothing like hard work to keep your mind off things!!

I've maybe said that storytelling is the greatest therapy I have ever discovered - which is one of the reasons to keep writing the blog - but I think I've just found another one ... good old-fashioned hard physical slog, getting your hands dirty for a purpose! There were tons of folk there, some who are clearly far more advanced in their knowledge of bike maintenance than me, but hey, we just got on where we could with Hannah and Dan's supervision. So, if you get stressed this term and everything's getting on top of you, come down to the Shed which is just a few yards down the road from the Hub - just cross St Machar Drive and go down the next road after the Chanonry. You will eventually see a wooden fence and that's where the shed is! Saturday is fix-it day, where you can get help fixing your own bike, Wednesday is Library Day when bikes are made ready to go out and you can help get them on the road! 1pm - 6pm is the time.

Daniel fixes a bike in the sunshine...

To hire a bike there is a deposit which varies depending on the value of the bike, but if you look after it - you'll get the deposit back at the end of term or whenever you're finished with it, and you'll have had free transport for all that time! Bus fares in Aberdeen have gone up again; petrol's ridiculous; so get on two wheels! All the info is on the website as linked to above.

I have never enjoyed myself so much, and I got exercise cycling down there and back up to my place again. Don't go mad; don't drink too much; while we've got a bit of an Indian Summer left, get down to the Shed and help out! You'll be ever so pleased you did. Bikes are very easy to fix - not like cars or i-Pods! Though I can fix a computer, it is so logical and empirical working on a bike!

So if you want to borrow one - get your hands dirty and get one ready!!

here's some swotting material from the most useful How Stuff Works website on bikes - this should be compulsory reading for all Becyclers!!

And here is the Becycle Co-op leaflet - please respond to their plea!
p.s. did I say it's so healthy to work outdoors?

Nuts in May

2008-09-27T19:40:00.002+01:00

... and I thought James May had a fine sense of the aesthetic! I've been reading May on Motors and it was a hoot. Now I get his references to American Hard Gums - he feels the same way about them as I do about Kola Kubes - but gee whizz, in his Telegraph column the other day he said that the 1949 Triumph Mayflower was ugly.

I thought - ok, let's see wot's the matter with it. Using Google Images I got a few pix of said car - here's one I think shows it off best:

Now what's wrong with that? I think it's pretty... it's alot better than the Vauxhall Agila that Jezza Clarkson said was sweet!! Who was he kidding??? Bleugh, pass me a bucket, it's vile!! The Mayflower exudes 1940s style and class; it has that delicious curve along the side, shiny chrome and pretty lights. Sorry, James, but despite the fact I agree with your praise of Astons and Jags, you have no IDEA when it comes to beauty here! That's a truly elegant and divinely lovely car!!

Mad man!

anyway... men don't understand beauty, not really, or James May would get this car.

Cuddle the Planet!

2008-09-27T18:51:00.003+01:00

Fellow blogger, Clare Kines mentioned a v. cutesy advert for the Discovery Channel which featured on another Arctic blogger's site, and I have to tell you about it too.

Maybe it's hormones, but this just makes me want to weep buckets of joyful tears - stuff the credit crisis, hug the globe instead! Of course, I already subscribe to the philosophy of the happy huggers too.

Anyway - Townie B*st**d (can't have naughty words, but it is his blogger name!) extoled the joys of this ad 'I Love The World' and spot how many celebs are in it!! The crazy Alskan crabmen from Deadliest Catch, Bear Grylls (yes I know, but I do prefer Ray Mears), Stephen Hawking, some other folk from satellite telly progs we don't get, but how cool!

I guarantee you'll be singing it all week!

Mystery Solved

2008-08-21T20:09:00.004+01:00

Right, I know where the mystery bombsite is now. An odd thing happened, and I still don't know how... Aktoman texted me to say that an architect he knows recognised the photo as being Forbesfield Road, Aberdeen. Now, I have yet to hear from this mysterious person, but anyway, I went there on Saturday and he was right! This is the modern day picture of the same house - half of which was rebuilt -

As you can see, though the colour of the window frames and the style of the windows has changed, this is the same house! The tree distorts the fact that the central chimney is still there, and you can't really see, but the mouldings on the roof at either side are slightly different

And, no. 46, to the left, is STILL called Dunvegan!

If this is your house, or you know who live(d)(s) here, do let me know. You'll be surprised that the property recovered from practically total devastation!

I hope to find more mysteries to display to you on this topic soon, but that is great that I now know where this is! Mystery Architect, you're a genius!

(Supplementary: I also know now that the house was bombed on 28 August 1940 - there's an excellent little book by David Atherton & Trevor Davies both formerly of Aberdeen City's Oral History Unit called 'Far Wis Ye Fan the Sireen Blew?' that I would recommend to folk interested in this sort of thing - you can get it in the public library here or second-hand.)

Wartime Mystery

2008-08-11T22:53:00.006+01:00

I feel like Shaw Taylor! But no, this is not Police 5, though it ought to be!

The pictures you are about to see is from an archive of photos taken during the spring of 1943, in particular the 21st April, the worst blitz Aberdeen ever experienced, when around 130 bombs were dropped on the city.

Quite simply I have no idea where this is, and I need my fellow bloggers to help!

Clues in the picture - the houses either side have names, the one on the left is called Dunvegan, and it's number 38, the one on the right of the bombed house is called 'Tigh Grianach' which is Gaelic for 'Sunny House', and it's number 42. So we can safely assume the bombed house is no.44, but I don't know what street, or if indeed it is Aberdeen. The house shapes are so distinctive someone must know where it is!

The main areas that were hit on the fateful night were round about George St, Hutcheon St, the old Norco dairy, most of Cornhill Hospital, suburbs such as Woodside, Hilton, Middlefield, etc. who knows what the logic behind such targets were?

Anyway - all I want to know is WHERE was it, then I can maybe link it up with the list of bomb sites I got from the local library archives. I thought it might be Broomhill Road, or South Anderson Drive, but even looking at Multimap's 'bird's eye' view, I cannot find these particular shaped roofs. So if you know, tell me! Leave a comment!

Down Pit in the Land of Song... a supernatural experience

2008-08-04T22:57:00.014+01:00

Yes - I was at the Rhondda Valley Mining Museum and it was part of our day trip when I was on the International Ballad Conference, so right enough with the title!

Anyway - I had to start with this cos it's very strange, and perhaps belongs more on the folklore blog, but here it is. The first port of call on this fascinating museum tour was the Trefor Winding Shed - the shed that keeps the massive winding engine that runs the giant pulley which lowers the 'cage' which took the miners down at the beginning of a shift, up and the end, and transported the trucks or 'drams' (don't think the Welsh realise we mean a measure of whisky by a dram!) full of coal in between times.

Here's a winding tower -

The ex-miner who was our tour guide shut the doors behind us and said the film show would come on in a few seconds...

In that darkness I felt the strangest sensation of sickness, coldness, familiarity, deja vu even. I knew that something was telling me I had a connection. I felt like I was going to cry, and I did, because I realised it was the thought of my great grandfather, James Brown of Musselburgh, a miner in a Midlothian pit back in the 19th century. His father, his grandfather and great-grandfather had ALL been miners, I know, I looked them up on the census and their marriage certificates.

My great-grandfather was also a soldier in WWI, a sergeant in the Royal Scots regiment who luckily wasn't in the trenches, he was sent off with his batallion on peace-keeping duties in Dublin, around the time of the Easter Rising, a few months before my grandfather was born. (Yes, he was born in 1916, which would have made him 92 had he still been living - he died in 2006)

I have seen my great-grandfather in his uniform, and having great fun with his army mates, now I know why he probably enjoyed himself so much, getting away from the dark, the choking coal dust and the constant fear of burial alive... Irish Republicans were nothing when you've lived with the fear of the lamp light flaring up at the sign of gas and all that comes as a consequence.

So, I felt the spirits of my great-grandfather and his ancestors all there, telling me this is what it was like, that just as their Welsh brethren, they had toiled underground for so many generations, and had been part of a community that lived in the shadow of death and hell constantly.

James, known as 'The Toff' by his army buddies, was wise, he got up to pit management as soon as he could. But the responsibility had not been lost on him, what happened to those that had gone before? Surely he knew the sorrow and fear and that was what they were all passing on to me in those few minutes. The narrow rows of houses in Musselburgh are not too different from the mining villages of the Rhondda Valley, but the advantage the Scots there had was they were also right by the sea, living side-by-side the fishers in Fisherrow, where my other ancestors were.

My great-grandfather became a beach officer when he retired. What a delight, all that fresh sea air, the best ice-cream in Midlothian, fresh fish, a round of golf and of course, watching the races... it must have been heaven compared with life underground.

I have never felt so close, even when I stood at his grave in Inveresk Cemetery a few years ago. There's no marker, I don't know why not. His wife survived him, my great-granny Margaret Fairbairn Samuel Brown, and she only has a stone marker at her grave. Maybe it was the mining thing, maybe she didn't want to think about him eternally underground, but preferred the hopeful eternity in the sky?

I don't know, but I felt him, and I felt her when we watched a film at the end which showed the protesting, singing, definant wives of the 1980s miners who marched to show solidarity for their men. She must have worked so hard, no wonder she only had two children! Her own mother had so many, and James had loads of siblings, Margaret came from a non-mining family, but still, the Victorian working-class women had it all to do. I felt her tears of exhaustion, just like those of her Welsh sisters in spirit.

We shouldn't forget what the government and the mine owners of the past did to them, worked them to the ground, to the very bone, giving them no thanks, and forgetting all when 'economics' crept in. The black gold never benefitted the men who hauled it out of the ground.

The Rhondda Valley Mining Museum is something else, truly, it really helps you to see what it was like. The worst and scariest bit was being shoe-horned into the 'cage' to go down to the coal face, it was pitch dark, I felt sick. I opened my mobile to show some illumination, much to the thanks of my fellow delegates around me who were crushed into the corners.

Folk that lived near Cardiff in the old days used to say that when the iron and steel mines were being stoked up and the chimneys belched out black smoke, that it was the closest thing to the fires of Hades! And I can believe it! It makes sense that the Methodist revivals appealed to the miners, they knew what hell was like, they'd seen it firsthand! Just like the fisher folk who knew the power of the sea to snatch away life, so the miners knew the bowels of the earth harnessed power to swallow men and machinery for all eternity...

So, if you've any mining ancestors, they're more likely to make themselves known to you at their place of work, just like my great-grandfather surely was the one who made me feel like I'd been there before. Genetic memory exists... we are all the sum total of those gone before us, no wonder some people think they've lived before!

Well done, Rhondda Valley Mining Museum for keeping the memories alive...

The Jeremy Clarkson School of Storytelling

2008-07-21T18:01:00.006+01:00

Hurrah! Top Gear is back on telly!

Mind you, if you get Freeview channel Dave (home of witty banter, ha ha), they never went away!

I was reading one of Jezza's books - Born to Be Riled and have been guffawing and hooting with laughter at his finely honed sarcasm. I was so tickled by it that I linked to his and his TG colleagues' online newspaper columns. Richard Hamster Hammond writes for the Mirror, James May Captain Slow, the Telegraph and Jeremy Clarkson, the Times.

Clarkson is in danger of biting the hand that feeds, however, in that he sends up his Times readers mercilessly! However, I had to concur with one of the latest rants about how when celebs misbehave now they get into heaps of trouble, whereas, even 20 years ago it was just thought to be what stars do, getting drunk and being rude to photographers.

This brings me on to Amy Winehouse. Has it occurred to anyone that she might be
having a jolly good time? In the 1950s and 1960s, before the world became so
po-faced, the rich and the famous would gather in Mustique and the south of
France for debauched, drug-fuelled orgies and no one batted an eyelid. Today we
tut because Russell Crowe has thrown a telephone at someone.

It's true! Max Mosley's latest exploits, with which Jezza begins his column, are no different to the activites of politicians in the 1960s - the film of the Prufumo affair showed the likely naughty romps of Keeler and her crowd. No-one said anything until the whole question of national security reared its head when it was rumoured Christine had slept with both a Russian spy and the soon-to-be disgraced British politician.

Jezza fears for the future in a Brave New World stylee -

I fear for our future. I worry that bad behaviour is being erased from society,
and that unless the trend can be reversed somehow we’ll all have to go through
life on the Planet Stepford, a rictus grin masking the boiling turmoil of
desperation inside. I yearn sometimes when I encounter a neatly stacked pyramid
of tins of beans to push it over. Don’t you? Wouldn’t it break the monotony of
having to drive at 30mph and eating a wholefood fair-trade sandwich at your
desk.

It almost makes you want to misbehave! Swings and Roundabouts, Jeremy! At the turn of another decade everything will be reversed! The very fact that the papers print this stuff about people's bad behaviour shows that the same folk who click their tongues at it, cannot wait to read the next edition of Heat or any other of those daft 'celeb' mags! Don't you believe it, the straight-laced Stepford wives would be quite happy to do the things they do on Big Brother - it's just fuel for the fire! Far from the days when guys with a taste for the kinky had to decorously agree to the offer of 'Something for the weekend, sir?', these days it's in your face EVERYWHERE!

Far from being straight and narrow, people are far worse in their appetites for sensation! The do-gooders are the flipside of the same lust-fuelled coin.

Anyway, I do love his turn of phrase, and this week's Top Gear with Jezza and James trying to park their lovely old cars in the centre of London just made me laugh. I love them all, they say everything we wish we could say - including ridiculing Peter 'Dragon' Jones for being impossibly tall! Jezza's tall himself, but when some woman in the crowd screeched Look at his feet! the Top Gear host stuck his shoe next to Peter's as the latter grinned and said, proudly Size 14! Jings min! Possibly the only man in the world who is 17 stone and doesn't look it, cos he's in a different stratosphere!

Missed the cool wall this week though! V proud to find out my car is on it, as COOL. Yahoo!

More please, TG, and yes, I concur, Clarkson for PM!

The Singing Drunks of St Giles

2008-07-17T20:00:00.004+01:00

It sounds like the title of a historical novel. But it's the truth! The Royal Mile of Scotland's capital is known for its ghosts and ghouls, but in this case, spirits of a different kind were involved!

A friend and I were waiting around outside the big famous cathedral of St Giles - where the National Covenant was signed when Scotland's flegling Protestant Presbyterian church declared they would stand with their God but not their king - waiting to go on one of the many ghost tours that are advertised in Edinburgh, when we heard singing. Looking at the steps of a side door to the church, a young lad who was busking was being joined by a chorus of certain gentlemen who were, as Billy Connolly puts it, 'very refreshed'.

There were two singing drunks and one dancing drunk - the writer of Father Ted couldn't have dreamt up better. The more we listened though, the more we realised that the two singers were actually excellent - with raucous rock'n'roll voices like Jimmy Hendrix or Phil Lynott of Irish metal band, Thin Lizzy, these old guys were carrying the tunes and knew the words better than the busker, who couldn't sing for nuts. One drunk had the tune line, and the other was great at the tenor lines, especially the high bits in the Beatles' Help.

We got Beatles, Proclaimers, Johnny Cash, Elvis, a'thing!

Then the drunk in the yellow t-shirt borrowed the busker's guitar who had gone for a coffee. Could he ever play! Axe-man cometh indeed! He was just brilliant! I have never had such a laugh and been genuinely entertained by this free piece of street theatre. I just wonder if they were actually channelling the spirits of dead festival goers?

They were better than the ghost tour, who sadly let themselves down with the ubiquitous 'jumper-ooter'! And that was in a rain storm in the Covenanter's prison, which is part of Greyfriars' Kirkyard. I think the poltergeist had gone hame in disgust. Or maybe it was watching the drunks, and having a night off from scaring the pants off visitors??

So the next time you're in Edinburgh, look for early evening spectacles! I'm going back at Festival time, so it probably won't be as obvious a novelty then.

Send more socks, Mamma!

2008-07-17T18:29:00.022+01:00

Reading a post by fellow blogger Aktoman reminded me of some of the coolest things I've ever heard from history... I think the Time Team were responsible for telling the world about the letters from the ordinary soliders along Hadrian's Wall; known as the Vindolanda Tablets, they were basically the squaddies' letters to and from home. I particularly remember Tony Robinson getting excited about the one where the soldier was asking his mum to send him more socks!

This was her letter in reply:

ram tibi paria udon[umt. ab Sattua solearum [duo• et subligariorum [duo solearum paria du[o
...I have sent you...pairs of socks from Sattua, two
pairs of sandals and two pairs of underpants, two pairs of sandals 1...
Tablet 346, Vindolanda Tablets

Have you ever heard anything so cute? And this is the reason the Romans left Britain, they were too damn cold!

These are the types of sandals the soldiers would've worn - complete with hobnailed soles!!

Yoiks! Would not want to get kicked with that!

The Roman Army was thought to be unbeatable - that was of course until they met the Caledonian tribes who gave them a good hiding. It's all well and good in films like Spartacus and Gladiator where they're in warm countries, but I can just imagine these poor wee Italians finding goosebumps on their tanned limbs and scribbling to Mamma, asking for warm clothes!

And, if you've ever encountered the Romans at Archaeolink, then you'll see what I mean!

Look at him! More like Man at C&A rather than Roman in the Gloamin!

Complete with hiking boots and M&S socks!!

Of course, they weren't so friendly when it came to marauding Celts!

Anna wanted to look like she was being stabbed, so we did the old stage-trick of the sword under the arm. Even then our re-enactor Roman was grinning! Sadist!

No storytellers were harming during filming - don't try this at home, kids!

This brings me to a fantastic folk song by Glaswegian folkie, Matt McGinn, which I was singing for years before I knew he wrote it, or knew about the elusive last verse!

Stereotypical humour from the best of them:

THE HEILAN’ MAN(Matt McGinn)

Ten thousand Roman soldiers to the Heilands they came north
And they had conquered everything from the Tiber to the Forth.
They camped beside Loch Lomond, for the night they thought they’d lie,
But somewhere on the Cobbler hill they heard this terrible cry:

Chorus:
Grigalie! Grigaloo!
Come up and fight, you cowardly crew!
I’ll have you for my pot of stew!You fear to fight with me!

On top stood a bearded Heilan’ man with a kilt and a big claymore
He looked a bit ferocious, so old Caesar sent up four.
Then he sat down for dinner by the bright light of the moon,
But he lost his taste for vino when four heads come rollin’ doon.

Chorus

Then Caesar sent Marc Antony wi’ another fifty five.
“Gae bring to me that rascal’s head, or I’ll have you stewed alive.”
They heard the clash of metal until the night was done,
But again they heard this terrible cry by the rising of the sun.

Chorus

Then Caesar sent a thousand men, this Heilan’ man to crack,
But out of all the thousand, there was only one came back.
“Oh, Caesar!” cried the soldier, wi’ his head all black and blue,
“The rascal has been lying! There’s not just one, there’s two!”

Chorus

So Caesar picked his suitcase up and he ran southwards then
He was doin’ eighty miles an hour, but he couldn’t catch his men
Now maybe ye will wonder why I’ve told this tale at all
Well, it has a simple moral, an’ they call it…Hadrian’s Wall!

I learned from a folk group called The Gregorach from Stirling; they had slightly different words and a different chorus. In fact, this version is pretty well-spoken, whereas in their version the second last verse goes That big git's been cheatin us, there's no' just wan, there's two. Same tune though, but the version I know is faster and deliberately funny.

So much for Romans and socks! - I think our guys out in the Middle East right now need a lot more than that... hmm.

Things that go... meh, hoot, squawk, tweet and moo in the night

2008-06-10T19:00:00.003+01:00

Funny things happen when you try to sleep in a tent at the top of a small hill. This is my account of a recent experience...

I felt I had to go camping, it seemed that it would be a calm night and not too cold, so eventually I got organised with the giant camping stove which fellow blogger Aktoman disapproves of, and my 2-man tent, though there was only me and no man! Hmm. Anyway - I am so unfit, I nearly expired climbing this tiny hill of Dunnideer just above the small Garioch village of Insch. But I got up there without falling in any rabbit holes and managed to dump my gear in the little shelter of the old fort ruins. It's a great camping spot, three walls and another bit of a wall and you are almost completely surrounded from the annoyance of wind making the tent flap in the night which was my biggest annoyance last year at Derry Lodge!

So, got tent up - not difficult, even though it is a double-skin tent, you just fold out the inner, get the bendy things that become your frame and plug them into the ground, then anchor them with pegs and hook the inner to it. Drape top skin over top, then peg out the ropes and fabric loops at the edges and there you are... My tent was bought from Asda two years ago and is fine for low-grade occasional camping, like the summer festival-goers do. Apparently Glasto has about 100 tents left behind every year! Naughty, naughty!

Huge inside, I have room for the sleeping bag, and all my stuff, which only consisted of the stove, the rucksack, kettle, teabags, milk in a tiny container, and some nosh bought from Tesco 24hr in Inverurie. I was sooo tired, it was half past twelve by this time, and not even remotely dark. Read Clarkson's Born to be Riled until my battery-operated lantern threatened to go out. Now the joys of trying to sleep when it is so silent, it's blaring!

I first heard sheep baa-ing in the fields below, funny - I hadn't seen any, but I know there's a farm down to my right. Then an owl went 'Woooo - woooo' several times and I thought, that's ok, that's nae scary, then I heard what I thought was someone clearing their throat! Arrrgh! There's a mad axe-murderer outside the tent!! But there wasn't a soul and no similar noise the rest of the night. I could hear the occasional car going by, and the roar of the drunken teenagers from down in the village below as they left the pub, funny how far noise carries on a quiet night...

The next thing I knew was I was freeeezing! I had been using my fleece jacket as a pillow, but I unzipped the sleeping bag and put it on, zipped myself up again and since my sleeping bag has a little 'hood', I wrapped that round me ears as well! Then eventually I fell asleep only to wake up to some annoying little blackbird going through his morning repertoire so loudly it was like he was IN the tent, not outside it!

I looked at my phone - 2.49am!!!!

Bleugh!

Looked outside tent - it was getting light - like this.

Lay back down for ten minutes then got up, got stove fired up, made tea with stainless steel kettle and my supply of teabags and milk. This was the fun bit - I tuned in the World Service and heard this surreal discussion about how in Argentina the Tango is used as a metaphor for psychoanalysis!! Ma heid! Weird!

Had my tea - got out and took photos then decided the tent was flapping about too much so I took it all down and started to trundle down the hill after much squishing and squeezing of material into packs again. The birds were going mental by this time and the rabbits were leaping about like no-body's business. It is my belief that Dunnideer will collapse one day because the rabbits will have burrowed it all away!

Looking across the horizon there were lovely pink strips of light interspersed with cloud and shrouds of mist draping over the rolling hills as the streetlights in Insch winked off. It was time to get home to my own bed!

Back in the Granite City I stopped by the wonderful Thain's Bakery which has been open since 2, and had a bacon roll. It's the only time you can park ANYWHERE in George St and no-one cares! Traffic Wardens are definitely bye-byes by then. Thain's bacon rolls are just wonderful when you're hungry and sleepy, just enough to sustain me to drive back to the house, leave everything in the car, and strip, put on PJs and get into bed - though I had to read another half hour of Clarkson before I fell asleep properly.

What a noisy night! Next time - take friends, preferably one a big sturdy bloke and also take ear plugs. But proved I could do it! Just too much loud wildlife! Why on earth the farm of bothy ballad fame, Sleepytoun - which is across the road from Dunnideer below the Hill of Christ's Kirk ever got its name, I dinna ken!

Eco-icecream

2008-06-05T23:14:00.002+01:00

Last winter I interviewed Maitland Mackie as part of the Formartine Oral History Project, and though I didna get time to get any ice-cream, the next time I bought a wee tub, I noticed that it had a picture of a wind turbine on it, or as I call them, a space-age windmill.

Love em or hate em! There's no black and white about it. I personally think a few of the smaller ones dotted about on bleak landscapes that are flat as a pancake are ok - you can see an example at my Flickr page of some in Caithness which is like the side of the moon, so nice addition to landscape. There was also one I used to see, a v small one in a farmer's field at Bogfechel (yes that IS a real name) on the road to Oldmeldrum. Now, Maitland's son, Mike put up three of the things on the hill above Westertown where the fabby ice cream is made, hence the reason for the turbine picture on the ice-cream carton!

Maitland said he thought they were fine, and besides, he said they look like they're waving at you.

That makes me smile every time I see them - and the Mackies' turbines can be seen from the Meldrum road, the Methlick road, and the Fyvie road - very cool, making very cool ice-cream, so stop moaning and be glad some farmers are doing their best not to ruin the planet however much you hate the sight of them.

BUT, don't get me wrong, wind turbines are NOT the only solution to the whole eco-issue, effort ought to be made in cases of glorious scenery where you could tap into wave power, lay undersea cables, keeping the offshore boys in a job, anything before you stick these big beasties up! The ones in Lewis that are already there, just out of Stornoway never appear to be working, well they weren't when I was there for a fortnight last summer!

So, if you must, have the aesthetically pleasing size on bleak plains where you aren't annoying people. (must say, I still like the ones on the Glens o Foudland/Huntly road, they pop out of the road at you and from the summit of Tap O Noth hill you can see them and from there they look like tiny white stick men. Cool!)

Alas Poor Doric!

2008-05-25T01:26:00.010+01:00

That was the title of an Aberdeen University Student Show one year, but it really is true when you think about it, most folk speak up here with a Scots accent, but they do not use the old traditional NE Scots or Doric words to describe things. I was set thinking about this when I was asked to find samples of some of my work for Dr Robert Millar's Fisherspeak project which is currently underway.

Recently I saw a business sign off Aberdeen's Golden Square which made me smile, obviously the owner of the said company knew fine what the words meant, and was making a very clever play on them...

a 'cushy-doo' is of course, a wood pigeon, but taken as two separate words, cushy means comfortable, and a doo is an event, and since this an events' company, it all makes wonderful sense! Hee hee - I like!

And what else? Well, some folk are jist plain droll!

A couple of car registrations for you...

Bap - A light bread oval bread roll with a soft floury crust and light inner crumb according to Uncle Google. It can also be slang for something else, which we won't go into, but perhaps this Landie belongs to a baker!

The driver of this Saab is obviously the nervous type! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

And of course, our other national language is Gaelic - Cairngorm Lodge, the youth hostel on the road to the Cairngorm Mountain ski centre, has named all its rooms after local hills and mountains. I was delighted to find that when I was there back in February, my dorm was called Bynack More - after the hill just down the road which towers over the Ryvoan Bothy, and the latter is the home of the Bothy Poem - by a Mrs A.M. Lawrence, written around the 1930s. It's the hillwalkers' anthem really...

I LEAVE TONIGHT FROM EUSTON

I shall leave tonight from Euston
By the seven-thirty train
And from Perth in the early morning
I shall see the hills again.
From the top of Ben Macdui
I shall watch the gathering storm,
And see the crisp snow lying
At the back of Cairngorm.
I shall feel the mist from Bhrotain
And pass by Lairig Ghru
To look on dark Loch Einich
From the heights of Sgoran Dubh.
From the brocken Barns of Bynack
I shall see the sunrise gleam
On the forehead of Ben Rinnes
And Strathspey wake from dream.
And again in the dusk of evening
I shall find once more alone
The dark water of the Green loch,
And pass by Ryvoan.
For tonight I leave from Euston
And leave the world behind;
Who has the hills as lover,
Will find them wondrous kind

Oh wow - surely the most wonderful phrase in the outdoor lover's vocabulary - Who has the hills for a lover, will find them wondrous kind...

Lang may yer bothy lum reek!

Chocoholics' dream

2008-05-25T00:56:00.006+01:00

...better known as Gordon & Durward, West High Street, Crieff, Perthshire - and according to a 2007 article in the Scotsman, Scotland's No. 1 sweet shop!

Being a purveyor of the Broch Candy Shop, it takes a lot to convince me, but being on holiday recently and spotting jars of old-fashioned sweeties through the window, I was pulled in like the bee to the honey!

Let it be known, Bloggers, I love Trebor Bassett Kola Kubes, and the Candy Shop sells them, or at least, they did. You have to check the jar to make sure it says Trebor Bassett, cos the modern ones aren't the same! Anyway, I spotted Kola Drops and thought hmm, that might do as a substitute. What I didn't notice until my mum pointed them out, were all the chocolate animals in the display in front of me!

Fish, dogs, mice, cats, ducks, green frogs, teddy bears, in fact anything you could have thought to mould was there - even choccy dinosaurs I think! We bought some chocolate Spaniels' heads and ate them later - yum, first class!

I got out the trusty fone-cam and started snapping the display, and another customer said They taste better than they look - and I told him I was going to blog about them and tell the world! So, as promised, G&D's - your lovely chocs are online! [And you can get almost everything else on their website to buy!]

Not so sure I could eat the frogs - I should send some to Bear Gryls though to stop him eating real tree frogs (the nutter on the Survivor progs)

The fishies! Surely my favourites! They are likely goldfish, even though billed as Orange Coloured Chocolate Fish - but the question is, are they orange-flavoured?

The website has recipies and stories, well worth adding as a link to the Folklore Blog, which I will do later. The shop was started in 1925 by a Mr and Mrs Durward (the latter's maiden surname was Gordon), then in 1947, was bought by the Andersons, Mr Anderson getting the handle 'Sweetie Geordie' - are you sure it wasn't Donal Beag an t-Siucar? Anyway, that's funny, cos it's now owned by the Donaldsons, so the little Gaelic children's ditty would be a suitable theme tune to play on their website!

Well done - I really like the chocs! I'll be back to stock up next time!

Back to the shed... let there be light!

2008-05-25T00:36:00.005+01:00

Back again to the Becyclers...

...all is going well at the G34 outhouse, Don Street, Old Aberdeen, aka the Becycle Shed, bikes are being handed in for salvage, folk are getting advice and getting their hands dirty!

Today I met Hannah, who was away having an exam last week, she has one left, relief, eh? Anyway, she says they will be around for a bit of the summer, so if you haven't been yet, why not? Get down there before Hannah and Dan go off for their hols!

Current problem had been that there was no light - not to say no electricity - in the shed, so I nipped over to one of our local retailers and picked up some battery-powered 'push-in' lights where you stick em up and push the plastic cover to make the bulb come on. Hannah and Dan were so impressed they put them up above the work bench immediately!

Note the innovative use of an old pair of jeans as a pouch for tools!

The new lamp glows away in the corner - the chalk instruction on the wall says 'Tools - please put them back' Top Gear's James May would approve of the stencilling around the tools to show you where they should go - if anyone knows Captain Slow, then you'll remember Clarkson is never done teasing him about being an obsessive-compulsive! James, this is a shed to be proud of!

Daniel starts work removing another chain...

Hannah replaces a bearing from another dead bike...

It would seem that drunken students are mostly to blame for the wanton destruction of bikes chained up at the library or Pavilion. Behave! How would you like it if we came and kicked in your door of a morning? Ridiculous!

Anyway - the Becyclers need an electrician to turn their power on! The shed has a flourescent tube but the wiring is currently dismantled, so any local sparkies fancy being kind and doing a quick wire-up job for nothing, please contact the becyclers at becycle8@gmail.com

Anyone Seen My Gritter?

2008-05-24T23:41:00.003+01:00

This is a fantastic story! Very wittily reported by the Northern Scot newspaper

On the night of 7-8 May, thieves pinched a 17-tonne road-gritter from a lorry park in Keith, Banffshire. I mean, how cool is that? And WHY in the world would you nick a gritter in MAY?

This is the truck in question, or something like it, about two and a half thousand quid's worth! (£2,500). You only normally see these things on snowy nights or frosty mornings, spraying a mixture of sand/salt/grit on the road. If I remember rightly from first year science lessons, salt lowers the freezing point of water [see article at how stuff works.com], so it's better for melting ice & snow, and it's rock salt they use on the roads, 'grit' is just another name for it cos it looks like sand! You can buy your own rock-salt online, I checked!

So what in the world would you need a gritter for when there's nae sna'? Perhaps the thief is off to Lapland with it? Or Arctic Canada? Hmm, very weird. So if you see a very big yellow truck like this with the Morayshire council logo on it, then give Grampian Police a call! It's unlikely the real cooncil workers will be using it at this time of year!

Or perhaps it was taken by a farmer - no, farmers use their tractors and put a snow plough on the front - or an over-zealous collector for the not-too-distant transport museum in Aberdeenshire? [no names, no pack drill!] Whoever has taken it, they are obviously expecting the next Ice Age to form right about now. Dearie me! But I'm sure it made the cops smile when the council workers phoned up and said Somebody's pinched oor gritter!

At the Bikeshed

2008-05-17T20:52:00.005+01:00

Championing the cause of two-wheels, the Becycle Library at Aberdeen University now loans out bikes to students. Each bike has its own 'Twitter' page where the borrower can say who they are and where the bike is. Wittily enough, most borrowers have the bike reporting its whereabouts. Hee hee!

Well, today I finally got to visit the Becycle Shed - G34 Don Street, off St Machar Drive, and it is a good shed! Stone built with a corrugated iron roof, and roon the side of the fence at the side of 34/36 Don St. My mate Caroline was there fixing her bike and a few other folk were about, including a teaching assistant from Quebec, whose bike had had a bit of abuse and the wonderful men in the shed, the Becycle crew were helping her fix it.

Dan 'The Man', was quick to come and test my bike and hand me the pump as my tyres were flat, then I got down to some serious cleaning and rust scraping as I had a blether with Caroline - who starred on my student radio show a few months back - she and her pals came to the Concert Party at Logie Coldstone as The Sussex Pond Pudding Band and wowed the crowd with vocals, guitar and hammer dulcimer.

So here, I present some photos of the Becyclers at work -

Dan gets to work on Caroline's chain which had broken

Open-heart surgery on the Dennis the Menace bike which belongs to our Quebecoise lady

Third along - the pale blue one had been brought along that afternoon - it will need major work before it joins the Becycle library!

Still working on that chain! And the red and black bike slowly takes shape again!

My bike after the tyres had been reinflated - it was a nice smooth ride back after that!

These folk take their fixing seriously - I can begin to see why some people are so mental about bikes!! It's rather satisfying getting them organised and running again. Weel done Becyclers!

And this is the inside of the shed - it's a lot darker than this, so anyone with Tilley lamps, things that glow in the dark, stick-on LEDs (which you can get in packets from B&Q) or bright yellow paint, would all be greatly appreciated by the Becyclers.

I for one will be back to get my hands dirty again. The Becycle workshop takes place every Saturday from 1-6pm at G34 Don St - go to the website to get the map link - http://becycle.wordpress.com/ It's a free service, and they'll even rescue old bikes! I think you guys ought to get an award from Sustrans or something!

And as the man says ...get on yer bike!!!

A Scholar and a Gentleman

2008-05-16T19:40:00.007+01:00

Edward Fox - mm-mm!

So, you remember back in November last year my regular commentator Calum threatened to tell the famous actor about the blog and my fascination for him? Well, in December, Calum received an interesting envelope, he knew not many people address him as 'Esquire', so he opened the envelope and he said to me later he didn't know whether to laugh or cry: this is what had been written -

'Very many thanks for your kind and most amusing letter:
Much appreciated. I enclose a photograph for Fiona-Jane.
How very nice to be so thought of, with best wishes,
EDWARD FOX'

And it was dated 8 December 2007!

When I saw it I was overjoyed that the Jackal himself, my hero, my favourite should be so ticked by what I wrote!! Gee whizz! So I do wonder if he still follows the blog! What a man, what a decent, old-fashioned gentleman! He's risen in Calum's estimation too. And here is the evidence, m'lud!

Imagine! Huge good wishes, all for me. And I knew that was his writing since I've seen it before. Eek! Never had such a good Christmas present. Needless to say the picture now adorns my bedside table! (And of course, Calum remains anonymous!)

Now, next, I need Nigel Havers' autograph, he's second only to my wonderful Jackal, and currently starring in the most fantastic Alan Bennett duo of plays Single Spies which I've seen Robert Powell do. And of course, guess who starred in the TV version of A Question of Attribution which looked at the possible Third Man in the spy group of Burgess and MacLean? Of course, Edward's brother James Fox, who played Anthony Blunt so wonderfully! It's the old six degrees of separation again.

Nigel's fizzog on the Single Spies poster - must say, he looks affa like Richard Hammond, aka Hamster from Top Gear there! Weird. So my next plea is HMT, will you please book the show up here!!!!?

Long time no blog

2008-05-15T22:50:00.004+01:00

I know! I know!!

Anyway - tomorrow is my LAST Scotch Broth radio show for ASR (http://www.aberdeenstudentradio.com/) and my guests are Bob Knight and Sara Reith, who are not only pals of mine, but are great mates of eachother and Stanley Robertson, so we're having a Traveller themed show. Now, that's Scottish Traveller folk, nae the RPG Megatraveller which I'm sure certain bloggers have played in the past. Having had gypsy fiddler Jani Lang on two weeks ago, this is a sure sign of a good show having two great guests.

So after that the podcasts will go up of my guest shows on my wiki site at http://storyquine.pbwiki.com/ScotchBroth

Anyway - this is a quickie - I have news, v belated news on the Edward Fox story from last year - it was an amazing response to my plea to hear from the great man himself facilitated by a fiendish commentator! The reason I remembered to mention it was I was in Morrisons today and bought a DVD of A Bridge Too Far which Mr Fox stars in. Now I'm not a massive fan of war films, though I love The Great Escape, A Bridge Too Far is the saddest thing I've ever seen! And having been to Arnhem, Holland, near the bridge in the film, where there's a museum of the story is, och it wid mak a body greet. So a weepie for me sometime.

Messers Caine and Fox in a jeep for the film A Bridge Too Far

Blogger Returns

2008-04-22T16:22:00.003+01:00

Back again! I've been busy with work, and now finally a big project has finished, leaving me worn oot!

Have loads of photos to post and the rest for your delectation. Meanwhile, have a look at my project website to see what we've achieved. http://formartine.pbwiki.com/

On Yer Bike!

2008-03-01T17:08:00.004Z

After generating some publicity for the Becyclers, I got down to designing a poster for them - well, a web-one anyway!

I like it, it gives my bike a bit of a personality! It's not like my old 2CV, Daisy, who well and truly was a personality as well as a snappy French cult car. But the bike is growing on me, definitely. It will soon be a year old - to me anyway. I suggested to the Becyclers that they should get their borrowers to mobile-blog as they are out on their bikes - mainly cos there are groups on Flickr the photo-sharing site where people take photos while they are cycling along! Bikes blog!

Anyway - it means I have to take up my own suggestion and start a mini-site just for the bike! Hee hee!

Hooray, the long days are coming - it's getting lighter every night, soon it'll be summer! Get oot on yer bike noo!

I'd Like to Borrow A Bike Plz!

2008-02-25T19:33:00.011Z

If you went into a library and said that, they'd laugh their heids off...

...but if you send an email to this address: becycle8@gmail.com with words to that effect, you'll get an invite to come and choose a pedal cycle for a loan!

This is a fab new scheme to get folks 'green' and 'lean' in Aberdeen (yes, yes, I know, alliteration queen!)! Inspired by similar schemes elsewhere in Britain, these students have decided to offer bikes for loan, just like library books, and they can be recalled just like library books too!

But since when did a book ever give you exercise?

The becyclers' mission is as follows:

Growing on scratch but with plenty of enthusiasm we gather orphaned bikes, fix them up and bring them back to life. We run a community-based workshop which is not only home to the bikes we rent out for free, but also offers tools, spare parts, guidance and assistance for anyone coming down the road keen on fixing their own bike (or wanting to learn how to it), or just looking for a place to hang out.

I think that's an amazingly worthy mission, as a cyclist myself. They have a blog, and a fascinating website with links to bike manuals etc. What I think is cutest of all is, once you borrow a bike, you need to register with Twitter, so the becyclers can follow their bikes' progress! (Twitter being the 'on the go' blog thingie) So the bikes have their own mobile blogs if you like. Totally appeals to my sense of cuteness and outdoors activity.

There are four bikes currently advertised for loan, and they offer a Saturday workshop in their front garden (near Aberdeen University campus)! I for one will be going once I need new brake blocks fitted.

This is such a cool thing! I really think if you don't have a bike, you should get one, if only to enjoy rides like the Deeside Line walkway, as I did last year.

Do be extra careful on the roads, Aberdeen drivers and pedestrians can be the thickest individuals on earth when it comes to those of us on bikes. Due to the abuse ye get on two wheels, I discovered many back lanes and placeys to go that I didn't know existed before.

So hooray Becyclers, you get my vote!

http://becycle.wordpress.com/

Sir Walter's Baffies

2008-02-25T19:12:00.003Z

The author of The Waverley Novels and Tales of a Grandfather, wasn't doing too well at the end of his life, and a grand friend o his fae Leamington Spa, a Mrs Cadogan, was shocked at the state o the owner of Abbotsford's slippers - once back home, her daughters got oot the knitting needles and made Sir Walter Scott a brand new pair o baffies!

The well-travelled Mrs Cadogan had been inspired by a Tartar design which she had been shown by a member of the Polish royal family! So the great author had bonny slippers tae warm his tootsies as he scribbled away in that great cauld stone hoose with no money for coal!

So why are these baffies so famous? Well, they are being auctioned at Shapes' Auctioneers, Edinburgh on March 1st, and are expected to go for £5,000! Sadly, the cash flow problems that plagued Walter in the 1830s, still plague his old house's owners to this day! The managers at Abbotsford say they'd love to have the slippers back home again, but cannot afford it, having a £10 MILLION pound bill to meet to keep Ivanhoe's creator's home in good nick!

Jackie Wright, the current exec. manager at the house wishes that some rich benefactor would buy them and gift them back to them to preserve for posterity.

Now, they don't have mountains to sell (Cf. MacLeod and the Cullins for Dunvegan's roof bill), so surely to peace some rich booklover can help them oot?

If you'd seen the coverage on BBC 1 Scotland, you'd've seen the clever CGI which made the slippers appear as if they were hopping around the house themselves!! How cute! If they could speak, obviously, they'd have even better stories than the man himsel!

What a great thing! 178-year-old slippers wanderin aboot on their ain! Aw! Maybe there's a pair o auld socks that once graced Sir Walter's feet just hiding away in a laundry basket at Abbotsford waitin to be reunited wi the slippers!

So, weel-aff Scots - put yer hands in yer pooches and bring oot yer siller!

Also, Happy Birthday in advance to my mate Andrew Shepherd, who will be 35 on the day of the auction - 10 days before I reach the same age!

Caption Comp - Tom McKean

2008-02-02T00:44:00.000Z

Folklorist, singer, and my supervisor, who hails fae New Hampshire, USA, but bides in Formartine... Dr T A McKean. I had to say something about this picture he has on his profile, it is asking to be parodied, in the nicest possible way, of course.

Tom's a dude.

The background to this picture is him giving a paper on his current project, the digitisation and cataloguing of the James Madison-Carpenter wax cylinder archive. JMC came to the UK in the 1930s and collected folk songs and sea shanties. Currently the digital versions of his recordings from the original wax cylinders are held at the Library of Congress in Washington D.C., and Tom and his colleagues are working on producing an archive and book so each recording and its contents can be identified.

Here is the picture:

My caption: "...and Madison-Carpenter's cylinders were this big!"

all contributions will be considered - rude ones will be deleted!

Beth seren! Welsh Songbird Duffy Hits the High Notes!

2008-02-02T00:33:00.000Z

It will either drive you mad or you'll adore it... 23 year old Welsh singer Duffy's single Mercy. I heard her first of all being interviewed on Dermot O'Leary's Radio 2 show a few Saturdays back and thought her voice reminded me of Cerys Matthews, but no, lo and behold it wasn't! I heard the single the day after and was blown away!

It starts with this heart-chiming heavy beat and then her voice... oh wow, and what a voice! Amy Winehouse meets Dinah Washington! Soulful, edgy, very Sixties, but with a modern twist.

She is going far with her Twiggy-looks and fab voice.

You Tube Vid:

Picture of Ms D: looking like she should be in Mission Impossible (aye, the original series) or the next Bond girl.

Go gal, you are fab!

(btw - beth seren is welsh for what a star!)

The Immortal Memory

2008-01-25T19:52:00.000Z

We'll tak a cup o kindness, yet, in praise o Auld Lang Syne...

Yes folks, it's the Bard o Allowa's birthday. Rabbie Burns, oor national poet

And I just had my haggis & neep - weel, a neep, potato and parsnip mash and finest Hall's haggis, and of course - the water o life!

Here's Rabbie's praise o Scotland's maist weel-kent dish...

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great Chieftan o' the Puddin-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy of a grace
As lang's my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o' need,
While thro' your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see Rustic-labour dight,
An' cut you up wi' ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright
Like onie ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn they stretch an' strive,
Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
'Bethankit.' hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout,
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi' perfect sconner,
Looks down wi' sneering, scronful' view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit;
Thro' bluidy flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll mak it whissle;
An' legs, an' arms, an' heads will sned,
Like taps o' thrissle.

Ye Pow'rs wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o' fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae shinking ware
That jaups in luggies;
But, if you wish her gratefu' pray'r,
Gie her a Haggis! *

alternative last stanza

Ye Pow'rs wha gie us a' that's gude
Still bless auld Caledonia's brood,
Wi' great John Barleycorn's heart's bluid
In stoups or luggies;
And on our boards, that king o' food,
A gud Scotch Haggis!"

These lines make me laugh - especially if you know 'horn' is a horn spoon!

Then, SPOON for SPOON they stretch an' strive,
Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,

It makes me think of a hale clan diving towards the plate spoons aloft! Put a plate o haggis in front of me and my dad and watch it disappear...

A haggis is a peculiarly ancient idea - perhaps even the hunter gatherers merely cooked the innards of the sheep (as that's what it is, folks!) over a fire in the stomach bag so he could eat on the hoof... ha ha.

Not everyone likes it, which is a shame, - MacSween's veggie haggis was annoying a certain butcher who was caa-in' it for aathing! - poet, Allan Cunningham heard the following conversation at a Burns' Anniversary Dinner...

'Pray, sir' said a man from the south, 'why do you boil it in a sheep's bag; and, above all, what is it made of?' - 'Sir,' answered a man of the north, 'we boil it in a sheep's bag because such was the primitave way before linen was invented; and as for what it is made of, I dare not trust myself to tell - I can never name all the savoury items without tears; and truly you would not have me expose such weakness in a public company.'

Better nae tae ken if ye ask me!! Dig in wi yer spoon!

Sunnier days...

2008-01-23T23:10:00.001Z

Forecast is for snow at lower levels tomorrow, so I thought this was and ideal time to remind ppl in the Granite City that we did have a summer last year, despite reports to the contrary!

The beach from Fittie. The only sand in the world that glows in the dark and makes a geiger counter go mental! SEPA and other concerned parties introduced advice including 'don't eat the sand.' Like, what??? This is the report.

The same day I went down the far end towards the Donmouth and finally took pictures of these somewhat iconic beach shelters. Pity they are graffiti'ed! I hadn't even noticed the cloud nonchalantly hanging overhead!

And here is the new Roundhouse, aka the Marine Operations Centre, shipping navigation for the digital age! It makes a fantastic spectacle at night from up at the leisure area. Designed by SMC Parr Architects Ltd it really is like an ocean liner's bow from the front. Much groovier than that thing that passes for our Scottish Parliament!!!

So we did have sun! Hope we have more this year.

Snow fun...

2008-01-21T23:29:00.000Z

Yip - scenes like these are finally being repeated this year at all our Scottish ski-centres! If I could ski I would enjoy it more, but I prefer just to pose in my brightly coloured ski-jacket and talk to wildlife. (Note - link - no snow in Hazelhead Park, but park-y!!) those geese looked massive close-up. I'll post my other wildlife shots from this escapade tomorrow. Felt blog-withdrawal symptoms!!

And here are those geese! I am going back to record the noise they made, cos it was scary! Attack Geese are the new alternative to German Shepherd dogs. So it's just as well they were behind bars! I think Aktoman was a bit concerned they'd eat his camera!

They look quite small, but they are big beasties about a foot tall - or so it seemed to me! I think they were fed up and cold, as you can see it was a dull, dark day and their mates the alpacas over in the other pen were wandering around in mud. Shame! Anyway, more from the four-legged beasties later. I'm not a great fan of zoos or the like, I would prefer animals to be able to roam aboot, on farms or the like, or wild ones to be in their outbacks and veldts. But it's a nasty old world and we have to keep our furry friends safe from those who are less than bothered about what they eat - and I don't mean indigenous peoples who keep the natural balance through hunting for food, I mean those middle-class, over paid individuals who shoot animals and steal birds' eggs for the sport of it. Huh!

Oops - this wasn't meant to be a wildlife rant, but there you go.

Wrap up warm, the winds are howling!

Cat-astrophe!

2008-01-02T19:40:00.000Z

Meeeooooooow!

Aktocat here seems to have either:

1. customised contact lenses in

2. weirdo alien powers

3. one blue psycho eye, and one green one!

Hee hee! This really needs to be a caption competition - please add what you think this other-worldly moggy is thinking to the comments!

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T00:51:00.000Z

Smile, it's a New Year!

2008 has now arrived, best wishes and good luck for the year to come!

fae the Storyquine...

Pop Go the Mood Beams!

2007-12-31T20:04:00.000Z

The Mood Beams have started their Hogmanay party early! They have taken a liking to Original 106 and Brian Anderson!

First it was some new chart stuff - I have nae idea who this is playing, maybe ye can tell me?

Then they got festive with one of my favourite Christmas-themed pop songs - the often-falsely-accused-of-pretentiousness, Greg Lake and I Believe In Father Christmas

Part 1

Part 2 (avec Kije suite)

I honestly can't get enough of these colourful glowing fellas! They make me feel quite happy indeed!

Happy New Year when it comes - only 3 hrs and 52min to go of 2007!

Oddities of '07

2007-12-26T19:11:00.000Z

Mentioned in Robert Smith's Lost Lands, and excellent book about the long-lost townships and communties of the North East of Scotland... The Auchmair Farm Gate.

Set in the heart of the Cabrach, this farm gate proclamation has two origin legends... one which Sandy Stronach (Mr Doric Festival) mentioned at the concert party, the same one in the book, in which the farmer explains how wild and rough the land is, and that the words are a thanksgiving to the Almighty for giving him the strength and means to wrest a living from such a dreary place...

or, the one that Cabrach quine Phyllis Goodall tells, that a farmer of Auchmair was fond o a drink and was out at the pub with his pals on a snowy night - bumbling home in the drifts he was hopelessly lost until he stumbled upon his gate - where he reputedly said, 'Home! Auchmair! And may the Lord be Praised!' cos God had allowed him to get home alive from the snowstorm!

These Heids as I like to call them were found in Tomintoul at the A'anside Studios. I think they are brilliant - like the Ents in Lord of the Rings!

Also found at the Studios are the Corvids. These are fantastic Corbie-People created by a Scottish artist (another one who's disappeared completely from the web). There were Corvid wifies, corvid children, corvid dads, ooh, they were lovely!

Corvidae, obviously the crow and raven family are well-known in folklore. One of my favourites is The Hoodie, which featured in the Bowmore Legends whisky ad campaign, and on writing to them I discovered that it was from a JF Campbell collection! The latter was one of those men with independent incomes we used to call antiquaries who went around collecting lore and stories from the ordinary folk.

And here's an online version! The Hoodie Craw found also in Andrew Lang's Lilac Fairy Book.

So when you look up and see the shiny black lads flying above you, bless them instead of curse them!

Jigsaw

2007-12-25T20:10:00.000Z

A Puzzle for the easily amused... click the pic to do the jig.

Aktoman, it's all your fault!

Santa's been!

2007-12-25T19:11:00.000Z

What a lot of great presents I got today!

My favourites are my Tardis phone charm - which flashes and spins when calls and texts come in and out - and my Mood Beams, all order from IWOOT.

The Mood Beams are described as 'charmingly daft', and indeed, they are lovely, glowing, colour-phasing fellas that lighten up one's day. Mine are Smiley and Lovestruck - and I filmed them. They seem to like ceilidh music! In fact, if you look carefully, Lovestruck is BLINKING!!! Very strange... a bit of Xmas magic I reckon! Well done IWOOT for producing such excellent toys! (toys for grown-ups!)

Merry Christmas to one and all

2007-12-25T00:06:00.000Z

... and to all a good night!